Friday, September 2, 2011

THE PLATE IS FULL

As we head into the Labor Day Weekend, our sports plate is filled to overflowing. It reminds me of the plates of fat people at places like Country Buffet or other such places where, for a nominal price, one can eat themselves into food-induced oblivion.

The 2011 college football season opened up last night and the LSF was pumped to the max. I love college football and normally would watch the "student athletes" over the pay-for-play guys every time. Last night I tried to watch the Runnin' Rebels of UNLV take on the Wisconsin Badgers but, after less than a half, I couldn't deal with yet another example of an over-matched team being led to the slaughter so its school can get a big pay day. I did want to watch the Temple-Villanova Mayor's Cup game but couldn't find it on my Comcast system. The Owls crushed the 'Cats 42-7. Given my antipathy towards anything Villanova I am pleased with the result.

So, given the boredom of the Wisconsin game, I picked up my remote and checked in to the Eagles-Jets pre-season game. I endured this nonsense for a few series and said my good-byes to the people wearing the Eagles uniform for the last time. The team has to get down to 53 players this coming week and many who were on the field last night will be counted in next week's unemployment number.

As you know, Fat Andrew made OL Danny Watkins his first round pick in the late draft - which means that no matter how bad he looks - he will be starting next week against the Rams. He'll line up next to rookie center Jason Kelce. I hope that the Eagles q-backs have great health insurance plans since, with these two anchoring the middle of the O-line, they're going to need it. The rookies have not shown that they are ready to protect Vick or Young or whoever is running the offense after those two are crushed by every linebacker in the NFC East. When Watkins was drafted he was working as a fire fighter. If he was good at it, perhaps he should go back to it, since he hasn't shown that he is good at blocking. I'll bone up on the Kaddish (the Jewish prayer for the dead) since one or more of our q-backs is likely to be killed by an onrushing opponent.

My remote got me to the Yankees-Red Sox game which turned out to be very entertaining. Duncan loaded the bases in the bottom of the ninth creating much drama but, in the end, he struck out the last batter and handed the second place Bombers a much-needed victory.

Of course, I did also watch the Phillies beat the Reds in the getaway game in Cinncy. The candystripers brought their brooms to the Queen City and Vance Worley got his tenth win. Moat Man hit his thirtieth homer yesterday, making it six seasons in a row with at least thirty home runs and a hundred RBI's. When asked about this feat Howard said, "It's cool." Duh, what about hitting .248 - is that cool? My hero of the game was Michael Martinez, who hit a two run shot bringing his home run total to three for the season.

So, this weekend will serve up something for just about everyone. If you are into tennis, the U.S. Open is in full swing up in NYC. The LSF doesn't watch a lot of tennis, but does enjoy the Williams sisters - Serena and Venus. Venus had to drop out of the tourney due to an autoimmune disease but Serena is still involved - so I do have some interest in the event.

The Phillies will spend the weekend playing the Marlins and I hope they don't end up sleeping with the fishes by not taking the Marlins seriously while looking ahead to the next series against the Braves.

The Braves still think they can win it all and a good bitch-slapping by the Phillies next week would go a long way in making them understand that they can't win it all. We need a repeat of last year's end of season Brave bashing and, if we get it, I might start believing that the Gods of Baseball want the Phils to go far into the playoffs. I only hope that the gods aren't setting us up for a crash and burn against the D-Backs or worse - the Yankees in the series.

Finally, if you are as much of a college football junkie as I am, this weekend will be awesome. All of the top teams are in action and all should look very good playing Bumblefuck Tech or, in the case of my beloved Nittany Lions, Indiana State. The games will be one-sided but, with a menu of hundreds of games to watch, I will be a happy camper. In case you want to know who the LSF is rooting for, here are a couple of axioms I live by: Axiom number one is to always root for Bumblefuck Tech to pull the once in a lifetime upset against a nationally ranked team, Axiom number two is to always root against the team wearing a goofy looking uniform when they are playing a team with a classic uniform. I loathe the uniforms worn by schools like Oregon or Boise State where they either have weird color schemes or stripes running every which way - giving me a headache. Ooh, that reminds me of a third axiom! When both teams are wearing silly uniforms - root for injuries.

So, whether you will be attending one of the many block parties that will be held in the hoods, going to the shore, or to a pristine suburban park for a cook-out, enjoy the games, the festivities, and one of the last chances to see scantily-clad women as the weather will soon turn cold and the lovelies will be bundled up.

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