Monday, October 10, 2011


The Atlanta Braves won fourteen consecutive NL East titles. The Atlanta Braves won just one World Series during that stretch. Sound familiar? YOUR Phillies have now won five consecutive NL East titles, with one World Series victory. My hunch is that they have won their last NL East title for a while. I say that because, despite having a great starting pitching rotation, the position players are shot.

In my opinion, it's time to say goodbye to Polanco, Ibanez, Utley, and Rollins. It's time to rebuild. They are old, often hurt, and are no longer capable of winning the big games.

The outfield should be the strength of the team with Pence, Victorino, and Mayberry, backed up by Dom Brown (assuming he can find a way to hit above .260 and play defense). Ruiz is still solid behind the plate, but a new back-up catcher who can hit above .260 would nice. I don't see Valdez or Martinez as starters so either someone in the system steps up, or judicious trades are made for a quality infielder or two.

Fortunately, the first baseman is signed to a long term deal for major money. Unfortunately, the first baseman sucks big time (more on him later).

I don't put the entire blame for the loss on Ryan Howard although, after a less than stellar regular season, he stunk up the playoffs for the second straight year. When the money was on the table, he played real small. No, the blame wasn't entirely his. Cliff Lee blowing a four run lead in game two didn't help, nor did the lack of offensive production from the middle of the line-up help either. Other than the game one outburst, the offense was overmatched and our aces couldn't get Schumaker, The Riot, or Berkman out. Pujols and Molina had productive at-bats, and the Cards relievers made our hitters look pathetic.

Many scoffed at me during the regular season when I pulled my heart from the team. Are you still scoffing? Sorry, gang but the LSF's heart had been torn apart too often by the guys in the red pinstripes, and I wasn't going to allow it to happen again. Of course, I would rather they had won, but the loss did not tear me up. I had no expectation of them winning, so no heartbreak for the LSF.

So, now I'll address the biggest issue - that of the man with the moat. Moat Man is being paid the kind of money that guys who are THE MAN get paid. Obviously, there is no correlation between getting THE MAN kind of money and actually being THE MAN. They guy is a loser, pure and simple. You've heard the expression, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going?" Well, all Howard did was sit in the dugout with his head in his hands.

That visual was worth the proverbial thousand words.

Shit, Tony La Russo could have put HIMSELF in to pitch the ninth and Howard would have still not delivered. How apropos was it for the guy to make the last out? How perfect was it that he fell down, wincing in pain, considering all the pain he caused Phillies fans?

Reggie Jackson used to rise to the occasion during the post-season. Ryan Howard crawls under a rock and hides. Oh, how I wish the Phillies would trade him but they can't, and who would want him?

He does spit into his batting gloves better than any other player I have ever seen. What a disgusting display!

There are those of you out there who worship at the altar of whatever statistics you can line up to show how productive Howard is. Fine. You can play with your stats all winter for all I care. In the end, the only stats that matter are the W's and the L's, and Ryan Howard is a big L. His picture should appear next to the word "loser" in the dictionary.

Yesterday, Scott and I were speaking about the number of Phillies that will need off-season surgery. The list is long and includes Hamels, Pence, and Howard. Let's assume for a moment that they had all been healthy for the playoffs. Would that have made a difference? I don't believe it would have.

During our conversation, Scott said that the whole team needed heart transplants. For once, father and son are on the same page with out assessment. YOUR Phillies mailed in their performance - and I include the manager. A lack of heart and passion by the players and a stubborn manager who stuck with "his guys" instead of playing healthy players such as Valdez for Polanco, and Mayberry for Howard helped doom the Phillies to another early exit. The back-up players may have stunk up the field like the starters did, but I would have preferred a healthy Mayberry to a broken down loser.

Amaro won't be able to do a total make-over during the off-season, but he ought to try and do what GM Paul Owens did when he signed Pete Rose to come in and light a fire under the asses of the team that won it all in 1980.

I could write volumes about why Howard sucks, but I'm done. Baseball season is over and I must turn my attention to the Big Green Dream Team - or should we call them the Nightmare Team? Fat Andy is as much of a loser as Ryan Howards, so please do not drink the green kool-aid!

Monday, September 19, 2011


Congratulations to the the 2011 edition of the Phillies who clinched their 5th in a row NL East Title Saturday when they beat the Cardinals. They were able to clinch because of their starting pitching - Roy Oswalt who looked the best he has looked in many months. A healthy productive Oswalt would be a welcome edition to the playoff rotation.

The problem of course is the continued silence of the bats. Aside from an occasional hit from the regulars the team is not hitting and this will bite them in the ass when they have to face the rotations of the other playoff teams. Since returning to the lineup, Rollins has basically done nothing, and Utley, who may still be hurt has also done nothing, Howard who it is now revealed has bursitus is sitting down for awhile. That's unfortunate since I do enjoy watching him strikeout with men on base. (Do sabermetrics people look at that?)

Victorino's batting average has fallen the way a Steve Carlton slider, and Ibanez - who delivered the three run shot on Saturday to help clinch has been very spotty at best. Polanco seems to have stopped his freefall, but we can only hope that he will be a factor.

That leaves us with two regular players who have kept their part of the bargain. I speak of course of Hunter Pence and Carlos Ruiz. Both have played well.

The problem of course is that in order for the team to go deep in the playoffs they are going to need some help from those who have been stealing their paychecks. The help can't come from the likes of Martinez, Gload, Orr, or even Mayberry. Francisco is a non-factor as is Wilson Valdez. No, the help has to come from the so called core guys, and until I see them starting to hit the ball with any authority, I'll stay away from the Kool-Aid.

My point was made very clear last night when Hamels gave up home runs to Puljos and Craig. One of our Aces goes south and the Phillies bats were silenced by Chris Carpenter - the Cardinals ace. Until the shot by Craig I was switching back and forth between the Phillies and the Eagles. After the shot - no more Phillies.

Speaking of football. Penn State barely beat a Temple team that I thought could have won the game. The Temple starters matched up well against the Nits, but a lack of depth and some mistakes did them in. The Owls should do well in their conference, while PSU will be not be a factor in the Big Ten.

And now to the Eagles and Michael Vick. Wow. This kid has oodles of talent, but he got hit more last night more than an opponent going through a rope-a-dope administered by Ali. Some of the blame has to fall on the o-line who were not very good in picking up blitzes. LT Peters played an awesome game, and Herrmans was OK, but the other guys need some more work.

A lot of the blame for the loss has to rest with Vick who threw 3 picks. You can't beat a good team like the Falcons when you turn the ball over and give them great field position. It was a team loss given that the defense allowed the Falcons to overcome a 4th quarter deficit. I didn't notice our linebackers doing anything - in fact if I were grading these guys - only Cullen, Cole & the DBS would pass. The rest of them just sucked.

With Vick on the shelf with a concussion, and whatever his name as the backup, this team will go nowhere. Vince Young is hurt and we haven,t been given a timetable for his return.

Reid is not my favorite coach - you all know that. Last night he seemed to call every gimmick play in the playbook. The basic stuff was working - the were running well - McCoy looked great. Why not keep at it until it stops working? You'll have to ask Fat Andrew who probably woke up this morning still saying "we've got to do better"

Friday, September 16, 2011


I had him in my cross hairs and was prepared to level him in today's post. I am, of course, referring to Ryan Howard. I had him dead-to-rights and then the SOB went and drove in the winning run in last night's game against the Marlins - as a pinch hitter of all things! I felt deflated despite being happy that the non-hitting Phillies were able to pull out a win.

I was going to start by reminding all of you that Howard was on an 0-15 tear during which he struck out with the bases loaded at least twice, leaving all of you sabermetrics freaks in a tail spin. I was going to remind all of you who have been calling for me to give the guy some slack that his defense of late had been atrocious and that, once again(Sept 15 - being a pay day) the guy was stealing his money.

I was going to do all of that and then the guy drives in the winning run, so I'll move on and away from this fraud of a superstar and mention that he is not the only Phillie who can be accused of stealing their money. This team has not been a good offensive team all season. This will come back to bite them in the ass during the playoffs when, unfortunately, they won't have teams like the Mets or the Marlins to pick on. Shit, last night they faced a guy who was making his first MLB start of the season after a horrible nine starts in the minors and they proceeded to make him look like the next coming of Tom Seaver. Way to go guys!

The look on Cliff Lee's face after giving up the home run to Lopez in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and two strikes says it all. Lee had pitched a gem and deserved better from the offense, just as Halladay had deserved better the other night. The lack of offense is putting a ton of pressure on our staff who must believe that they have to be perfect every time out in order for the team to win. Something's got to give. Halladay, Lee, and the others have been good team members by not being critical of the offense in public, but I wonder what is being said behind closed doors. It must be salty at best.

Without a doubt, the Phillies are headed for their fifth division title in a row but, given their lack of offense and occasional defensive lapses, I wonder how many of you are confident that they will be able to get to the series, let alone win it? I am not confident at all. I am so unconfident that if I could buy puts on their chances I would go all in and load up. My friend Bob assures me that once the playoffs begin all will be well, but Bob is a Kool Aid slurper of the first magnitude and he is unable to believe anything else. What are you thinking? Have you ordered your Kool Aid yet?

I am getting aggravated talking about the Phillies, so I'll move on. Michael Vick returns to Atlanta this weekend when they Birds take on the Falcons. The Falcons are coming off an opening week loss and could provide a big test for Fat Andrew and his charges. It wouldn't surprise me if the Falcons are able to stop Vick, although I hope the O-line can continue to protect him and give us a chance for the win.

After a humiliating loss at home to a real team (Alabama), the Nittany Lions travel to the Linc to take on Temple. Last year the Owls were on the short end of a 22-13 score, but they have the horses and the desire to beat PSU for the first time since 1941. The Lions have over the years tended to feast on teams like Temple (they still have Youngstown State on the schedule) but this time I'll be rooting for the Owls. I have never rooted for a team to beat the Lions in fifty years of watching them, but I am sick and tired of watching them schedule weak sisters in order to pad their record and their check book. Not all schools do this, and it's time for the Lions to schedule teams like Pitt again. They won't do it, but they should.

That's it from me. Enjoy your weekend.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


So there I was planted on my favorite sofa. I had a bowl of popcorn and a bowl of... something else ready for what I thought would be an easy game for the Phillies. A team on the cusp of nailing down another divisional title should not lose to a team like the Astros. If they do it should be on a fluke, not the way they lost in the debacle filled 5-1 loss last night.

Something else - if you are the Phillies you should be fined a great deal of money for being unable to hit in a loss to Brett Myers. You remember when Brett pitched here. He was okay, not special, and to me is better remembered as a guy who beat his wife almost as much as he beat other teams. Some of you might approve of such behavior - I don't. They lost to Brett Myers last night and I am appalled.

Myers, who no longer has a major league fast ball, made the local guys look silly with his 75 mph junk. That is not acceptable - not even a little bit. I don't expect this team to win every game but please - I do expect them to beat up on their former teammate.

It didn't help that Roy Oswalt did not bring his A game. Oswalt crumbled in front of his former fans helped by the worst defense I have seen the Phillies play all season. Actually, I think the bags containing the defense must have been lost by the airline that brought them to Houston from Milwaukee because nearly every ground ball became an adventure and the execution of double plays looked like a Chinese fire drill.

There was one attempt at completing a DP where Pete Orr threw a perfect cross body block on Rollins - taking him out and causing the runner to be safe at first. Rollins, who came back a couple of games before Charlie had wanted him to because of the injury to Wilson Valdez could have been hurt bad by Orr's miscue. Then where would we be?

Not satisfied with a poor effort on the mound, Oswalt had the ball pop out of his glove covering first on a DP attempt. Shit, the red neck looked like a deer caught in a headlight as he watched the ball pop out allowing the runner to reach safely.

I hope that after the game Charlie read his team. I hope he made Pete Orr cry like the bitch that he is, and read the entire team for their lack of focus and complacent play. This team is a lock to coast to a division title unless they continue to mail in their performances.

I had to turn away from the game early - out of disgust, but I was surprised when Scott called me to tell me that Ron Paul had stated that he would let the uninsured die rather than treat them with public money. Nice guy. [On the replay, it appears that it was just voices in the Tea Party crowd screaming "yes," not Ron Paul. - Editor]. I was amazed that Scott had found the Phillies so disgusting that he turned on the Tea Party Debate. There is no chance I would ever cast my vote for any of the soulless bastards who were trying to outdo each other on being the nastiest conservative on the planet. There is also no chance that Scott would ever cast his vote for any of them either - thus my amazement to learn that he was watching.

Yesterday afternoon, Scott called me to tell me that he had found something on Facebook that related to me and my very misspent youth. As he read some of the discussion to me I decided it was finally time for me to sign up so that I too could participate in the conversation. It didn't work out.

Signing up was the easy part - navigating Facebook was a disaster which was not helped by the thing Scott posted to my wall that basically showed how "old" people just can't deal with the modern world. What the fuck? I acknowledge that technology is difficult for me to get my hands around. Technology scares me, and I have never Tweeted and never will. If I want to add something to my computer I have to call somebody to do it for me. I can change a lightbulb by myself and I have learned to set my channel reminder so I won't miss my favorite shows but, after that, I am lost.

While all you techno wizards are laughing at the LSF, I remind you that when I was a kid there was no "personal" technology. If you wanted to change a channel, you got off your fat ass and changed it by turning the dial - none of this remote bullshit. If you needed to do some calculations there were no hand held calculators to make life easier - you had to use a slide rule. Shit, I'm betting that some of you techno-modernists have never seen a slide rule let alone know how to use one.

Techno people are spoiled by the gadgets and tools available in this modern world and I'm not impressed when assholes get up at 2AM to stand in line to buy the very latest phone or pad or whatever. I suppose they don't get the fact that, while they are paying for their new toy, Apple or whoever has already designed the next "toy" that will make their new toy obsolete before they get it home. You will never see the LSF standing in anybody's line in order to buy a phone that does everything and that will send you to the poorhouse buying the apps. I have a cell phone that doesn't do anything except go ring ring. It is a phone. I will use my computer to go on line. I use the phone to make phone calls. Now my phone can text, and I will text you back if you text me, but every time I do I have the feeling that I am a sixteen year old girl. I don't like the feeling.

In closing I will tell you how I really feel about technology and things like Facebook. Fuck technology!

Monday, September 12, 2011


Wow, and double wow. When one is blessed with ADD, a weekend like we've just been through is an amazing experience. We had plenty of games to watch and I am glad that I replaced the batteries in my remote because I used the thing thousands of times switching back and forth from one game to another.

For us Phillies fans it's beginning to look a lot like Xmas after sweeping the Braves and then taking three out of four from the Brewers. Given that the Braves' troubles continued after our series, I am comfortable believing that the division title will reside in the greatest city in the world once again. While nice, it won't be enough to get the LSF to slurp the red Kool-Aid - as only another pennant and series win can do that.

Yesterday's loss to the Brewers was kind of a reality check showing us that they can not win every game, although I'm sure that many of the faithful have started to believe that they can and will. Sorry gang, but yesterday was a contest that should remind you that Raul Ibanez can strike out with the best of them and that, despite hitting home run number 33, Ryan Howard is fully capable of popping up with two men on base and the game on the line. Not to worry, it's on to Houston where we must face Brett Meyers in game one. On paper, the Phillies should sweep these guys but they don't play the games on paper so, until the games are put in the win column, let's not count our chickens. The Gods Of Baseball may be ready to fuck with us and, if they do, there will be nothing any of us can do about it.

So, with the first big college football weekend behind us we were treated to some decent games. Penn State discovered that it is far easier to beat Indiana State than it is Alabama. The Tide rolled into Happy Valley and exposed the Lions for what they are - not quite ready for prime time. In my opinion, they are a mediocre big time team and will struggle in the Big Ten.

Most glaring was the obvious difference in the quality of the players on the field. Alabama came with some very talented players who were well coached and the outcome was already decided by halftime. Penn State no longer gets the best players and the performance on the field shows it. I have been a rabid PSU fan for a great many years and have watched some awesome players don the blue and white. I have seen them compete favorably with the top programs and have seen them go undefeated on several occasions. Those days of greatness are over. I will continue to root for them, but I fear that something has to happen that many of us Nittany Fans had hoped would never come up.

For at least ten years there have been those that have been calling for Joe Paterno to retire. To them I have always stated that I thought, given his record and contributions to the sport and the school, he deserved to be allowed to coach as long as he wanted to. Sorry Joe, but the LSF now believes that the time has come for you to learn how to play golf or whatever because it has become painfully obvious that you can no longer compete for the top athletes nor can you coach the team against the powerhouses of the sport. Yes, you have 402 victories but let's be real - many of them have come at the expense of the Indiana States and the Temples of the world. Victories against top ranked teams are now fewer and far between. Joe, it is time to turn over the program. Everyone will miss you and our memories of great teams and high graduation rates will not soon be forgotten.

So, I got through Saturday watching bits and piece of a ton of games and now it was time to do the NFL thing and Fantasy Football. I watched most of the Eagles game and came away favorably impressed at their play. Vick did get hit more than I liked but the O-Line held up well enough to allow him to lead the team to a win over a rebuilding Rams squad. A win is a win, but clearly our guys had better not believe that they are a Dream Team since they still need a lot of improvement. At least I didn't have to listen to Andy tell me that "we have to do better." Next week's game against the Falcons will prove to be a bigger test for the Birds, especially since the Falcons lost their opener and will be playing at a high level of intensity.

After the Eagles game, I watched the Phillies lose and then turned on the favorite channel of every ADD-stricken football fan - The NFL Red Zone. The Red Zone is great for guys like me since it fucks with you by switching around from game to game, and usually just when you are getting in to watching a particular game. They did focus a bit on the Panthers and Cam Newton, who lit up the field to set a new first career game passing record. This kid has all the tools and, with some seasoning, could become one of the best. With the new collective bargaining agreement reducing the pay for rookies he probably is making less now than he did at Auburn but I imagine that he will be rewarded in the future.

Kevin (I can't spell my name) Kolb looked okay in his first start as a Cardinal, as did Rex Grossman in his debut as the Redskin QB. Watching the Giants-Redskins game gave me a bunch of mixed feelings. The good news is that the Giants lost - always a good thing. The bad news is that the Redskins won, never a good thing. Giants coach Tom Coughlin set a NFL coaching record for saying fuck and shit more than any coach in history but, given the hot seat he is on, I'm not surprised.

In other good news, the Jets were able to mount a late comeback sending the Cowboys home as losers. I am always happy when any Texas team loses and especially so when the Cowboys do. It was a perfect ending to my weekend of being a serial game watcher.

Then, there is tonight. Going into tonight's action, I am clinging on to a six point lead in my Fantasy opener. That means that my remote will have to do some work switching me back and forth between the Phillies and the Monday night football game. There is no rest for the weary.

Have a great week, and remember it is not time for Kool-Aid of any color.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


Wow! Tonight is going to be a night made for those of us who experience attention deficit disorder. We won't know where to turn first. Thank god someone invented the remote control, otherwise we'd have to get off our fat asses every time we wanted to switch back to the football game or to listen to the Republicans snoring while a gelded Obama lays out his latest jobs proposal that has no chance of passing.

Think about it: The Phillies open up a four game series with the Brewers; the NFL opens the regular season in Green Bay; Obama is addressing a joint session of congress; and most important - it is the start of the fantasy football season. All of this is tonight. The remote will be in my hand and will be called upon to go over and above the call of duty.

So, last night I get home from my dance class and find the Phillies and the Braves locked in a 1-1 tie. I was fortunate in missing Mr. Howard striking out with the bases loaded because, had I seen it, I would have lost the good mood I was in. For all you sabermetric folks who keep telling me how valuable Howard is, what does striking out with the bases jammed do to your model?

Who would have thought that Ross Gload would have been the hero of the night with his ninth inning hit that gave the Phillies a sweep of the Braves? If you tell me that you knew Gload was going to drive in the winning run you are either a pathological liar or you were higher than I have ever been. Nonetheless it was a great to sweep the crackers - kind of reminded me of last year. The Braves are now ten and a half games out and, in my opinion, have no shot at catching the candystripers. The Brewers, however, are another story.

I am getting sick and tired of being told by announcers and pundits at how good the Brewers are at home. Going into tonight's game they are 50-19 at home which I admit is a helluva good record. However, they do get to play a lot of games against the Cubs and my beloved Pirates and against the Cardinals, who are having a sub-par year. The Phillies have a 49-22 home record which isn't too shabby either, so I call on the pundits and other such assholes to shut the fuck up. I won't go so far as to call for a Phillies sweep in Milwaukee but it would not surprise me if they at least win two of the four games. Despite the fact that we won't have Utley, somehow the infield will do just fine with Valdez and Martinez. It would be nice for Howard to contribute, but we can't count on him so perhaps it will be Ibanez, Mayberry, or someone else who will create enough runs to allow the staff to do what they do best. I know that Ryan Braun is having a great season - but facing Cubs pitching is not the same as facing our guys all in a row. While I'm not ordering up the Red Kool-Aid yet I feel good about this series. My feeling good could be the kiss of death, so take my confidence with a grain of salt.

I won't be ordering any green Kool-Aid anytime soon since I think the Eagles may underwhelm a whole lot of folks. Yes, they did sign every free agent d-back on the planet during the off season, but two big problems remain that could sink their season. Andy Reid is still the coach, and I still maintain that the Eagles will never win a title with the Lord Of Lard in control. His game day skills are pathetic whether you speak of his play calling or his clock management. The other major problem is still the offensive line. They can't block anyone no matter how many times they move players around. I was shocked at the announcement the other day that Danny Watkins - the teams first round draft pick - will not be opening the season as a starter. The fireman from Canada they now claim is not ready for prime time and will be replaced by a guy who will have had four practices as an Eagle when they open up against the Rams on Sunday. The fact that veteran center Jamaal Jackson has been replaced by a smaller more athletic rookie I believe that Michael Vick could get killed as early as game one. The team did improve on the d-line, but the three linebackers have virtually no experience and, until they prove they can handle themselves, I won't be forgetting Chuck Bednarik any time soon. Should I mention that the kicking game is now in the hands of two rookies? It could be a very long season for the Birds and perhaps at the end of the season Fat Andrew will finally be made accountable for poor drafting, poor coaching, and poor post game press conferences. I am sick and tired of hearing, "We've got to do better".

This is a very good time of the year for the LSF. I can spew my venom against Ryan Howard and Andy Reid at the same time. It doesn't get any better than that. I'd expound but I need to make sure that I put fresh batteries in the remote so that I can get through the night.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


I trust everyone had a nice Labor Day Weekend. Whether you did or you didn't today is back to work day and I'm having trouble with the fact that it is Tuesday and not Monday. Seriously, when I went to read Paul Krugman in the NYT I found that he wasn't at the top of the Op-Ed page as he usually is on Monday morning. Oh shit - it's Tuesday, not Monday. I suppose I should have read him yesterday, but yesterday felt like Sunday, so I didn't even look for him. This may seem like a minor problem to most but, shit, yesterday was Monday. The LSF will be confused about the day of the week all week, and I don't like being anymore confused than normal.

So, there I was at the 6200 block of Pine Street's annual Labor Day Block Party yesterday and I couldn't help but think at how sad it is that those who grew up in the suburbs missed the block party tradition. As you know, the suburbs don't normally have block parties. There is no reason why cul-de-sacs and tree lined streets of stone houses couldn't have a block party - they just don't. What a pity. At the Pine Street fest the aromas of ribs and chicken slowly cooking on charcoal grills was tantalizing and made one want to do nothing but eat. The sounds of soul music blared from several boom boxes and we danced in the street. My mother grew up on that block in West Philly and I doubt that she and her neighbors did anything remotely like the electric slide in the middle of the street, but she would have had a good time doing it.

After dancing, I sat down and played pinochle - something I hadn't done in years. The brothers I played with beat me up pretty bad in the game which saw the conversation turn to the upcoming NFL season. Guys talk about sports so talking about football is nothing out of the normal. To me, what has always been out of the normal are the number of Philadelphians who love the Dallas Cowboys. What's up with that? I have hated the Cowboys almost from their inception, but here I was playing cards with a guy who not only was wearing a Cowboy shirt, but had a gold Cowboy helmet dangling around his neck and a watch with the Cowboy logo on his wrist. How sad.

There were a bunch of games played over the weekend and I did get to watch a few of them. The Phillies looked like shit against the Marlins. There is no reason under the sun that Florida should ever take a series from the candystripers, but they did. I wrote last week that I hoped the Phillies wouldn't look past the fish to the series with the Braves, but they must have, and I was more than a little bit nervous about the Braves coming to town. One of the things we have seen lately is the damage done to Halladay in the first inning of games he starts. It happened again this weekend. The pattern has Halladay giving up runs in the first before settling down and going through the other team's line up like shit goes through a goose. The offense shuts down and the Phillies lose a game they shouldn't. Perhaps given this disturbing trend, Charlie should take a different approach when Halladay is scheduled to pitch.

When Halladay is scheduled to start Charlie should deal with the first inning like it was the seventh or eighth and start one of his set up men instead of Halladay. He should use one of his closers in the second and bring Halladay into the third. That way Roy can't fuck up the first inning and can bring his team another win. Hey, it MIGHT work.

And what can I say about Cliff Lee? Awesome just doesn't seem enough. The guy made the Braves look like a certain local vintage "base ball" squad as the Phillies offense erupted. Watching the game last night was a pure joy, especially the incredible catch made by Ryan Howard of a foul ball. The guy showed some great hustle on the play making a sliding catch that should have been shown a bunch of times on all of the highlight shows. He also hit home run number 31 and was on base all night. I still don't like the guy but, in the spirit of fairness, I must give him credit for a great game. I notice that he has hit five homers in the last nine games. Let's hope he can continue to do this until the end of the season, but we'll have to wait and see about that. My guess is that he won't given the sub par season he has had but, if he does, I'll salute him.

That's it for now as I have some shit to take care of this Monday - I mean Tuesday morning. I'll leave you with a warning. If you care about your children, stop worrying about Chaz Bono and focus instead on not allowing your children to see the new uniforms that the Maryland Terps are wearing. Without a doubt they are the ugliest uniforms I have ever seen. Check them out in the Washington Post - but be careful as you may laugh all day when you see them.

Friday, September 2, 2011


As we head into the Labor Day Weekend, our sports plate is filled to overflowing. It reminds me of the plates of fat people at places like Country Buffet or other such places where, for a nominal price, one can eat themselves into food-induced oblivion.

The 2011 college football season opened up last night and the LSF was pumped to the max. I love college football and normally would watch the "student athletes" over the pay-for-play guys every time. Last night I tried to watch the Runnin' Rebels of UNLV take on the Wisconsin Badgers but, after less than a half, I couldn't deal with yet another example of an over-matched team being led to the slaughter so its school can get a big pay day. I did want to watch the Temple-Villanova Mayor's Cup game but couldn't find it on my Comcast system. The Owls crushed the 'Cats 42-7. Given my antipathy towards anything Villanova I am pleased with the result.

So, given the boredom of the Wisconsin game, I picked up my remote and checked in to the Eagles-Jets pre-season game. I endured this nonsense for a few series and said my good-byes to the people wearing the Eagles uniform for the last time. The team has to get down to 53 players this coming week and many who were on the field last night will be counted in next week's unemployment number.

As you know, Fat Andrew made OL Danny Watkins his first round pick in the late draft - which means that no matter how bad he looks - he will be starting next week against the Rams. He'll line up next to rookie center Jason Kelce. I hope that the Eagles q-backs have great health insurance plans since, with these two anchoring the middle of the O-line, they're going to need it. The rookies have not shown that they are ready to protect Vick or Young or whoever is running the offense after those two are crushed by every linebacker in the NFC East. When Watkins was drafted he was working as a fire fighter. If he was good at it, perhaps he should go back to it, since he hasn't shown that he is good at blocking. I'll bone up on the Kaddish (the Jewish prayer for the dead) since one or more of our q-backs is likely to be killed by an onrushing opponent.

My remote got me to the Yankees-Red Sox game which turned out to be very entertaining. Duncan loaded the bases in the bottom of the ninth creating much drama but, in the end, he struck out the last batter and handed the second place Bombers a much-needed victory.

Of course, I did also watch the Phillies beat the Reds in the getaway game in Cinncy. The candystripers brought their brooms to the Queen City and Vance Worley got his tenth win. Moat Man hit his thirtieth homer yesterday, making it six seasons in a row with at least thirty home runs and a hundred RBI's. When asked about this feat Howard said, "It's cool." Duh, what about hitting .248 - is that cool? My hero of the game was Michael Martinez, who hit a two run shot bringing his home run total to three for the season.

So, this weekend will serve up something for just about everyone. If you are into tennis, the U.S. Open is in full swing up in NYC. The LSF doesn't watch a lot of tennis, but does enjoy the Williams sisters - Serena and Venus. Venus had to drop out of the tourney due to an autoimmune disease but Serena is still involved - so I do have some interest in the event.

The Phillies will spend the weekend playing the Marlins and I hope they don't end up sleeping with the fishes by not taking the Marlins seriously while looking ahead to the next series against the Braves.

The Braves still think they can win it all and a good bitch-slapping by the Phillies next week would go a long way in making them understand that they can't win it all. We need a repeat of last year's end of season Brave bashing and, if we get it, I might start believing that the Gods of Baseball want the Phils to go far into the playoffs. I only hope that the gods aren't setting us up for a crash and burn against the D-Backs or worse - the Yankees in the series.

Finally, if you are as much of a college football junkie as I am, this weekend will be awesome. All of the top teams are in action and all should look very good playing Bumblefuck Tech or, in the case of my beloved Nittany Lions, Indiana State. The games will be one-sided but, with a menu of hundreds of games to watch, I will be a happy camper. In case you want to know who the LSF is rooting for, here are a couple of axioms I live by: Axiom number one is to always root for Bumblefuck Tech to pull the once in a lifetime upset against a nationally ranked team, Axiom number two is to always root against the team wearing a goofy looking uniform when they are playing a team with a classic uniform. I loathe the uniforms worn by schools like Oregon or Boise State where they either have weird color schemes or stripes running every which way - giving me a headache. Ooh, that reminds me of a third axiom! When both teams are wearing silly uniforms - root for injuries.

So, whether you will be attending one of the many block parties that will be held in the hoods, going to the shore, or to a pristine suburban park for a cook-out, enjoy the games, the festivities, and one of the last chances to see scantily-clad women as the weather will soon turn cold and the lovelies will be bundled up.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


So, the next time you are speaking with a Californian and they give you shit about how we here in the East reacted to last weeks 5.8 earthquake ask them when the last time they experienced an earthquake, tornadoes and a hurricane in the same week. They, of course have never had that pleasure. Just because every so often California gets hit with a quake that destroys homes, roads, bridges, and whatever else man has decided to flaunt Mother Nature with, why should I give them a special place in my sympathy box? I do not. I would further ask these folks why they continue to build shit on top of faults. Finally if they persisted in giving me shit, I would ask them how the Giants, Dodgers, Padres, A's, and Angels are doing? That should shut them up, and if it doesn't I might ask how the NFL franchise in L.A. is going to do this season.

I continue to be amazed at how our Phillies are doing. I'm surprised that a roster full of players who have spent time on the DL this season would be a contender for a division title. I marvel at how, when one of the principal players goes down, at how our role players have picked them up. Whether it be Martinez, Valdez, Mayberry, Worley, Stutes, or Bastardo, it seems as if the team doesn't lose a step when one of these guys has to play. Don't get me wrong, I am nowhere close to ordering up a mug of Kool-Aid, but I am enjoying watching this team play the kind of ball they have been playing and am particularly pleased at how they have been able to stay at least six games ahead of the Braves. We play the Braves next week and, if we can win or sweep that series, I believe another division title is in the bag.

How good was Halladay last night? Coming off an eight day break, the guy was simply spectacular. He was, of course, helped by an explosion of home runs - including two by the Moat Man. Howard went in to last nights game hitting an anemic .249 but, if he can continue hitting the long ball in between strike-outs and double play ground balls, I'll settle for that. He isn't worth anywhere near what the team is paying him but as much as I'd rather have a guy like Votto playing first - that ain't gonna happen. All I can do is hope that Howard can contribute they way he did last night, and that he won't succumb to screwing up when the chips are on the line.

The college football season gets underway this weekend with most of the major powers playing schools like Bumblefuck Tech or North Carolina AEIO&U. As an example, I call your attention to the big battle in Ohio which has Akron traveling to Columbus to be fed to the Buckeyes. OSU should lose BCS points for this game no matter what the outcome. And then there is Penn State who opens up against Indiana State. The Lions schedule is insulting. They can find a spot on the schedule for ISU, but not Pitt. Some of the best games ever played were the contests between Pitt and PSU and I miss the rivalry.

For some, the quality of the schedules means not a thing. Let the games begin means it's once again time for ACTION - and I don't mean on the field. Out at the beer store in Strafford, my old buddy Johnny Dollar is probably frothing at the mouth as he digests the point spreads for this weekends slate of games. While his brother Big Tommy (a degenerate gambler in his own right) sits out the first week of action so that he can get a better handle on the teams, Johnny will bet at least a dozen games and will probably pick a team like Akron to cover the spread if Jackie Da Bookie gives him enough points. The games start Thursday night and by Saturday, Johnny will be looking for games to get himself out of the hole he finds himself in after Thursday. Johnny will check out the TV schedule so that he can bet on the late games from the WAC that are being shown on the tube. On Tuesday, Johnny will have to come up with money for Jackie Da Bookie or Jackie will send a couple of his employees to see Johnny on Wednesday. Some things never change.

I hope everybody got through the storm in one piece but, if you still do not have power, remember that Abe Lincoln never had power, and that he managed.

Friday, August 26, 2011


Back in the day, Chicago Cub Hall Of famer Ernie Banks was famous for his love of the game and his call to play two. With hurricane Irene about to sweep up the coast we may have to up Banks by calling for the Phillies to play three games tonight against the Marlins. If they don't then the Phillies quest for another division title will be pushed back by at least two postponements. Just as important, the scheduled contest between the Philadelphia Athletics and the Elizabeth Resolutes has been changed from a ball game to a surfing contest.

Mother nature doesn't seem to give a damn that we have pennant races to deal with or that countless block parties will be wiped out this weekend in the greatest city in the world. The LSF attends many block parties over the course of the summer and this weekend I was scheduled to be at one on Florence Ave in SW Philly. They needed a token Caucasian and I was available.

Wherever Mother Nature lives, she is I'm sure quite proud of herself. Earlier this week she gave us the first earthquake tremors that most of us had ever felt, but that was not enough to satisfy her. No, the bitch was tired of tornadoes in the Midwest and avalanches in the Rockies, and decided that it was time to give the East Coast a weekend to remember. Seriously, if the weather forecasters are even a little bit right in what they are calling for instead of baseball at the Bank we might have to settle for kayak races down Market Street. For those of you who have never experienced the joy of 100 mph winds you are in for some scary shit. 100 mph winds sound like a runaway freight train heading right for your house. The only comparable sound is the swoosh of Ryan Howard striking out with the bases loaded. As bad as that sounds, multiply it by a factor of four when the storm passes your place.

Then there is the rain. When the rain pounds against the side of your house you may think that Tea Party assholes are spraying your walls with fire from an AK-47. It can be loud as shit, as can the sound of that big old tree in your yard that gives up the ghost and joins you in your family room. The rain won't care if you live in a place where the streets flood. If it wants to create a new great lake - it will.

Now some of you will head out to your favorite super market to stock up for the deluge. I can already tell you that the store will be out of bread, milk, and eggs when you get there. The snack aisles will also be bare because everyone knows that the American Red Cross advises everyone to fill their pantries with munchie foods ahead of any large storm. Smart people will also be buying toilet paper - just in case. I mean, would you rather run out of chips or TP? The joke of course is on all of us, especially those of us who cook on electric stoves. During a huge storm with high winds many will lose their power and will be unable to cook up the foods they have just bought. A way around this would be to stock up only on those foods that you don't have to cook, considering that you won't be able to call the pizza parlor to deliver your dinner but you can eat a can of beans. Hey, if you are high enough, cold baked beans can be a real treat, and who among us wouldn't enjoy eating a jar of extra crunchy peanut butter with a spoon right out of the jar. Hell, I've been known to do that even when there is no super storm.

With the Phillies taking the night off there isn't much to report on the sports front. For you green Kool-Aid drinkers the Eagles did beat the Browns in a pre-season game. Don't get to excited about that one - it was the Browns led by Colt McCoy. What the fuck is up with his name? What kind of people would name their kid Colt? Were they disappointed that he wasn't born a horse? Despite the win, I wasn't real impressed with the play of the offensive line. Things could get real interesting for Michael Vick when the games are for real unless in the next two weeks someone learns how to block.

On the baseball front, the Yankees scored 22 runs last night when Cano, Granderson, and Martin all hit grand slams. Three salamis in one game. Wow, I really hate the Yankees and hope the new Yankee Stadium is washed away by Irene. The S.F. Giants lost again - the eighteenth time in the last 26 games and are now three and a half games behind the D-Backs. Finally, Jim Thome was traded to the Indians, the team where he began his career. Retiring as a member of the Tribe is the way to go for Thome and I hope he does retire on a high note after this season.

Good luck riding out the storm and we'll pick up next week after I have finished building my ark.

Monday, August 22, 2011


The LSF does not like heat and humidity - not even a little bit. While watching the Phillies today, I noticed that Roy Halladay was sweating like a whore in church in the first inning - the inning where he gave up two runs to the Nats. If my memory serves me correctly, he has been having his problems in the early innings during these dog days of summer. Should we be concerned? The heat and humidity affects me a great deal, but I am not being paid a gazillion dollars a year to be "the best pitcher in baseball."

The other thing I noticed is that the Phillies are having a lot of trouble beating the Nationals. What's with that? Oh, I know that they have been playing shorthanded with a bunch of guys hurt and all that, but they were certainly able to overcome all the trouble during their recent ten game winning streak. Should we be concerned?

Last year at this time the Phillies trailed the Braves by seven games. As we know, they were able to go on a tear and wound up winning the division. The Braves won today. Should I be concerned? For those who have been gulping down the Red Kool Aid , how do you feel now? Are you concerned? The Gods Of Baseball could be making their move right about now, and they may want to see the Braves do to the Phillies what the Phillies did to them last season.

I know that some of you are thinking that the rain delay hurt us, since Doc could only go five innings and that he had settled down by the time the tarps were brought out. Didn't the Nats have to deal with the same rain delay? The Phillies left six men on base today, and the Nats took advantage of their opportunity in the tenth. Once again, a look at the box score will show a lack of clutch hitting by certain overpaid players. The drama continues.

I have no issue with Ruiz, Utley, or Victorino - and even give a small kudo to Ibanez who found a way to score two runs. Subway's spokesperson, the Moat Man gave us an unproductive one for five, but he only struck out once. Yippee.

The Phillies pitching was consistent in that all four of the pitchers used by Charlie gave up at least one run.

The Phillies still have plenty of time remaining in the season to either get their act together or to give us the greatest collapse since the 1964 edition of the team. Let's take a quick trip on the Wayback Machine. I'll set the controls so that we arrive at Connie Mack Stadium on September 21, 1964 and will arrange to have tickets to that day's game against the second place Reds left at the box office for us.

The Phillies had returned to the greatest city in the world from the west coast the night before. They returned home holding a six-and-a-half game lead over the Reds with twelve games left to play.

Art Mahaffey was on the mound for the Candystripers that day facing journeyman John Tsitouris. The game was scoreless in the top of the seventh inning when the Reds' Chico Ruiz got a hit and managed to get to third base with two outs. As Mahaffey went into his wind up, Ruiz broke for home. He should have been out by twenty feet, but Mahaffey threw a wild pitch. Ruiz scored and the Reds went on to win the game 1-0. The Phils were swept by the Reds, then by the Braves, and finally by the Cardinals. Our fair haired boys ran off a ten game losing streak before winning the final two games of the season. By then it was too late. The Cardinals won the pennant and went to the World Series. This city was in a state of mass depression. The team had been given permission to print tickets for the Series and many fans had already received theirs when the season ended.

Before you find me and call me all kinds of names, I am not predicting the same ending for this years edition. The 2011 staff is much better than the tandem of Bunning and Short, and should not have to endure a ten game losing streak - unless The Baseball Gods decree that it should be so.

Just do yourselves a favor. Put the fucking Kool Aid on the shelf and wait until they have actually won something.

Not much else on my mind except to hope that I don't have to hear Charlie say "We have to do better".

Friday, August 19, 2011


So, there I was watching the Phillies and the D-Backs playing the rubber game. Now, when I saw the home team's starting line up included Gload playing first base I figured it would be a long night against an Arizona pitcher who came into the game sporting a nifty 15-3 record. I knew it would be a long night when I saw that Raul Ibanez was in the line up. Ibanez, after a few weeks of actually looking good, went into last night's game mired in one of his 0 for 19 slumps and was back to sporting a .237 average. Given Ruiz's bad "ball," Schneider was once again behind the plate - so I knew it was going to be a long night. Schneider, who struts to the plate with a solid .185 batting average, had already exceeded his monthly ration of hits so I wasn't counting on him to do much of anything.

My one ray of hope for an entertaining game was that Worley was on the mound, and he has shown himself more than capable of keeping his team in games. Not only did he silence the Arizona bats in the first three innings, he had a lead when the rains came. In an awesome display of lightning, thunder and rain, mother nature proved once again that she was more powerful than anything we mere mortals could conjure up and I was seriously considering building an ark. My ark wouldn't be anything like the one Noah built in the book of Genesis. It would not include animals, Republicans, tea party assholes, or first basemen who promote the foul food served at a place called Subway. My ark would include a variety of beautiful women, plenty of weed, booze and a Direct TV dish so that we could dial up all the games we wanted while we sailed past the top of the Comcast building. My ark would have been a party ark.

So, with the Phillies game in a rain delay, I needed something to watch. I checked my handy dandy Comcast channel guide and found that, despite having hundreds of channels, there was nothing to watch. I wasn't in the mood to do the game on MLB, and reruns of Criminal Minds were out of the question. What was I supposed to do? I could have watched MSNBC where a whole network of folks would be railing against anything Republican, but I wasn't in the mood for that. I ended up doing something I normally don't do - I turned on Fox and watched the first half of the Steelers mauling the Dream Team.

The LSF normally does not watch pre-season football just like he doesn't watch spring training baseball games. Hey, when the games are for real - I'm there. Me and the Red Zone channel become best of friends once the games count but last night I figured I would see how well the starters would do against the team that almost won the Super Bowl last year. I should have done my laundry since the spin cycle would have been more entertaining than the Eagles.

I knew I was in trouble when I tuned in just in time for the pre game bullshit from Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. The Phillies parade was being rained on and I was watching Buck and Aikman tell me how great the Eagles were after signing every free agent on the market. Both were effusive in their praise. Aikman stated that free agents wanted to come here because of the stability Fat Andrew provided. He brought up the fact that, under the Lord Of Lard, the Eagles had made it to the playoffs in nine of his twelve seasons as leader of the pack. He was unbearable and Buck, who has never before had anything nice to say about the greatest city in the world, was worse. My solution was to push mute on my remote. I normally watch games with the mute button on since most of the announcers and all of the color commentators are extremely offensive - especially when they are pointing out the obvious.

If you caught any of the game you may understand why it may be a bit premature to call them The Dream Team. The Nightmare Team might make more sense considering that they didn't block anybody wearing a black jersey, causing Vick to get hit and hit and hit. They showed no ability to run the ball (not that Fat Andy would ever want them to) and Vick completed more passes to the Steelers than he did to his receivers. By the end of the first half he had thrown the interceptions, making me think fondly of McNabb. It's nice to see that the D-Mac tradition of playing sloppy may live on. The Steelers methodically took advantage of the Eagles' poor play and took a 21-0 lead into the locker room at half-time. Oh, and how well did our All-Universe defensive backfield play? Well I'll tell you. They were more offensive than the Eagles offense was.

I understand that it is only the pre season and there is still time to "work the kinks out of the system," but it is still the pre season for the Steelers as well, and they looked sharp as shit. Look, football is a simple game. If you don't block, don't tackle, don't protect your QB and don't run, you usually lose. I'll be kind and say that the Eagles are still a work in progress, but the seeds of my discontent were planted last night. Mercifully, the rain delay ended after the first half so I was able to do what I wanted to do - watch the Phillies take the series with some timely hitting and relief pitching. Given that I watched the baseball game I missed the Eagles postgame show, but I'll bet those of you who saw it were treated to the first utterance of "we have to do better" from the round mound of coaching. Hell, he needs to practice his delivery too.

Finally, good luck to all of you fantasy football freaks who took Michael Vick as your number one QB. If last night is any indication of things to come he'll be garroting offensive linemen instead of dogs - and who could blame him.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


So, with the Phillies being rained out on Sunday and with no game scheduled Monday we had to endure two days of not seeing our heroes in action. I don't know about you but I missed them and have been excited to see them take on the surprising Diamondbacks who sit atop the NL West.

Before the season began I can't imagine anyone outside the D-Back organization thought much of their chances, but the Baseball Gods have decreed that, at least for now, these guys are for real. I don't know much about them, but the Phillies are certainly being challenged to play their best ball against these snakes from the desert.

There are losses and there are bad losses. Last night's loss to the D-Backs falls into the bad loss column. The game is the perfect example of why I cannot and will not go all-in with my emotions to your Philadelphia Phillies.

Doc, while not at his best, gave one of the gutsiest performances we are likely to see from a pitcher. He found a way to keep the D-Backs in check until the bottom of the ninth, with the exception of his former Toronto teammate, Lyle Overbay. He equaled his record for most K's in a game and, by all that is holy, should have gotten a win. Had he thrown one more strikeout he would have set a new one game strikeout record for himself and equaled the number of men left on base by his team.

The Phillies left a total of fifteen men on base. You heard me, I said, "FIFTEEN!" You would have a hard time beating a Little League team when you do that, and give the D-Backs credit as they hung in, and found a way to get the job done.

I believe that last night's game was a bad loss because when you are The Best Team In Baseball and you play an upstart team who leads their division it is important to bitch slap them so they will know that, come the playoffs, they don't have a chance against you! The way they lost had to give the D-Backs the confidence to know that they can play with the Phillies. Shit, how could you not gain confidence when you pitch a guy (Collmenter) who has but two pitches and he hogties The Best Team In Baseball and a guy named Putz (Yiddish word for penis), who has played for nearly as many teams as Gaylord Perry did, comes in and closes the Phillies down without so much as a whimper. It would not be a total surprise to me if Arizona not only takes this series, but sweeps.

The very worst was that Lyle Overbay is the guy who basically beat you. He was last seen wearing a Pirate uniform and about to be given his release by the fading Bucs. All of a sudden this bum resurfaces with the D-Backs (with whom he made his Major League debut back in 2001) and makes out like a stud by driving in all three of his team's runs. This he does while the Phillies were striking out eleven times while leaving the aforementioned FIFTEEN men on base.

The failure to hit with men on base was spread throughout the Phillies lineup with Hunter Pence leading the pack by leaving four on base while striking out three times. Rollins left three, followed by Moat Man who left two on base while striking out twice. The offense was pathetic.

Halladay had to feel real good after the game. How the fuck do you strike out fourteen and lose? I would have not been surprised if he had gone postal in the locker room after the game. Perhaps that's what the team needs - a rant from one of the pitchers who pitches a great game and loses because his position players forget how to hit a baseball. All of our starters have fallen victim to the lack of hitting, so maybe they should all go postal - perhaps even beating a few of the position players with bats. Shit, Halladay could have recreated the role of the Bear Jew from Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds and no jury here in the greatest city in the world would have convicted him.

If I'm Doc, I go after Moat Man first. I'd be screaming, "You did it again - you suck! Stop taking the time to make commercials and use the time learning how to fucking hit in game critical situations!" Then I would turn my attentions to the rest of this pathetic excuse for an offense. To Pence I would rant, "The honeymoon's over asshole - you played like Howard tonight and that is not acceptable!" Unfortunately Doc was probably a gentleman after the game.

There was an excellent article in this week's Sunday NYTimes about Moat Man. The article basically laid out why Howard is not the elite hitter he and many of you think he is. It points out that, despite all of his RBI's, he leaves far too many of his teammates on base and that he strikes out too many times in critical situations. The article does concede that he is a good player, but that's it.

I have no choice now but to mention Moat Mans new commercial. Have you seen it? The ad opens with Howard hitting batting practice pitches into the ionosphere. The scene moves to Howard telling us that part of his training regimen includes eating at Subway. He implies that eating their overpriced undertasty imitation "subs" is the reason for his success. Give me a fucking break. I have never been a big fan of Subway. Hell, I don't want a "sub" that is healthy. I want a HOAGIE that tastes good and uses ingredients that may very well give me a heart attack. Who gives a shit about that when the craving for a hoagie takes over? And where is Jared? I want the Bear Jew to find him and beat him into oblivion with a petrified roll from Sarcone's or Liscio's. Hell, even Amoroso's makes better bread than Subway! Jared and Ryan Howard make a great combination. May they both choke on what Subway calls bread.

Speaking of Howard's on my shit list, I haven't listened to Howard Eskin for many years. I believe him to be a complete and total asshole who is rude, arrogant and not as knowledgeable as he acts. When he first came on the air, Mike Schmidt was still playing and Howard latched on to him like a remora does to a shark. Eskin had his nose so far up Schmidt's butt-hole that Schmidt treated him with contempt. That made Howard suck up that much more to Schmidt and made it impossible for Eskin to report objectively about the guy.

From Schmidt, Eskin turned his sights south and became a regular sideline groupie with the University of Miami Hurricanes when they were the kings of college football. Eskin could be seen pacing the sidelines in one of his first fur coats sucking up to the likes of Jimmy Johnson, Michael Irwin, and others on the team that Penn State beat in the national championship game. I don't recall Howard ever congratulating the Nittany Lions and remember him distinctly calling the victory a stroke of luck and stating that they could never beat the Canes again because the Canes were the best ever.

The Miami teams of that era were, in fact, a great team, but wouldn't you think that a guy who was on the air in the Nit's back yard would at least give them their props? Not Eskin.

When Schmidt retired Eskin needed another ass to stick his nose in, and he chose Charles Barkley. Barkley has always been one of my favorite players and he treated Eskin like a bitch. Bravo Charles.

The article in yesterday's Daily News pointed out that Eskin has done 6,000 plus radio shows and that he felt it was time to move on. If Eskin, who never attended a class of any kind after his graduation from Northeast H.S., and never played any sport at all had made the decision to leave the air after 3,000 broadcasts it would have been better, but at least his voice will not pollute the afternoon drive time any more. Unfortunately, he will still do the Sunday night Channel 10 show with John Clark and Vai Sikehama, which means I will not watch it. Goodbye Howard, and good riddance.

We had our annual fantasy football draft over the weekend and had a ball. Our league has expanded to eight teams this year with the addition of two teams run by guys who participate in seven or eight other fantasy leagues. The event was held in an empty apartment in my building complete with draft boards on the walls, a stop watch so that you didn't take too long making your picks, and a lot of moaning and groaning when someone else snatched one of your guys before you could make the selection. My first pick was Houston RB Arian Foster who was a top fantasy producer last year. The bitch better not get hurt or I am screwed. I wanted to get Peyton Manning again this year but had to settle for Drew Brees when the guy ahead of me took Manning. The first QB taken was Michael Vick by a guy who also took DeSean Jackson, McCoy, and the new Eagle kicker Alex Henery. This clown showed up in full Eagles regalia and stated that he fully expected the Eagles to cruise to a Super Bowl victory. We'll see what happens once the games are for real.

Friday, August 12, 2011


I do understand that all across America there is great rejoicing that football is back. Millions of the great unwashed masses of protoplasm gathered in front of their televisions last night to catch the first look of their favorite teams playing the first pre-season game of the year. It is the silly season for football - a time when fans of teams that have absolutely no chance of winning anything have the hope that the draft pick from Bumblefuck Tech will be the missing piece that will take their heroes to the promised land of the playoffs.

Here in the greatest city in the world Eagles fans are doubly excited because their beloveds have signed nearly every free agent player on the market. Fat Andrews charges are being called the Dream Team - the stuff that legends are made of. I can only remind them that Andrew is still the coach, and that precludes winning the Super Bowl, and probably means an early exit from the playoffs. You may ask how the LSF can be so negative so early. I am not being negative. I am being realistic. I have watched the Lord of Lard coach the Eagles for enough years now to know that there will be no parades for we the fans as long as he is the coach. He will get us close, but in the end all we will get from him is "we've got to be better".

As to the free agent signings, we need to give thanks to Ruben Amaro, Jr. for that. Given all of the signings that the Phillies have made over the past few years Jeff Lurie has noticed that the Phillies are riding the crest of the fan popularity wave, and it gave him so much concern that his team will remain a below-the-fold item that he authorized the spending of his precious cap money so as to make us the fans drink our green Kool-Aid in the heat of the hottest summer we can remember. Lurie is jealous of the adoration we give to the team with the best record in baseball and the signing of all of the free agents is a ploy designed to get us thinking green, green , and more green. It is his way of reminding us that the baseball season is but a mere event designed to get us from the Super Bowl to the start of the NFL season. It is his way to remind us that now is the time to be buying Eagles jerseys, hats, blankets, and everything else under the sun with a Birds logo on it. It is his way of telling us to put away our Dawkins jerseys and replace them with the jersey of one of his new d-backs. If you want proof of this, go into any Modell's store and you will be awash in a sea of green.

The LSF did not watch a single down of last night's victory over the Ravens, but unfortunately had to listen to the joy boys on Sports Center report on all the games. Stop, I pleaded with them, IT IS STILL BASEBALL SEASON! They listened not to the LSF, so I switched to MLBN and suffered through Mitch Williams and his friends butcher a broadcast - but at least all they talked about was baseball.

My friend Bob, who wore one of his many Eagle jerseys yesterday, asked me why I am so down on the pre-season. He believes it to be a great time to see the new players and find a sleeper for one of his ELEVEN fantasy teams. When I told him that I was not planning to watch the game he reminded me that the Phillies had the night off. Bob was concerned that I would have nothing to watch, that I wouldn't be able to find anything to look at from the menu of over 100 channels that Comcast provides. Bob, you see, believes that TV was invented so that he could watch a game of something every night and that all of the channels not broadcasting a game are for his wife. I told him that there were a lot of reasons for my not watching the silly season games.

I won't bore you with what I told my friend Bob except for this: "You want me to get excited about watching people who will never play a down during the regular season - and I will not." Let me know when the real hitting begins and I will be tuned in. Furthermore, how can you ask me to get excited about something that doesn't matter at a time when I have to fret about Moat Man striking out eight times against Giants pitching? Lastly, how can I deal with statements like the one made by Rex Grossman that was reported on every sports show in Philly. Grossman made the statement that he believed that the Redskins were going to sneak up on everybody this season and would win the NFC East. It's true, I heard him say it. Rex Grossman ought to worry about his status. How can I take seriously the prediction made by a guy who may not even be the starting quarterback for the Redskins. It is the silly season, and I'm not gonna buy into it.

For the LSF it is the best part of the baseball season, and I am focused on the play of the guys in the candystripes. I won't invite a curse from the Gods Of Baseball by praising them, but what they are doing SO FAR this season is potentially the stuff that dreams are made of. I am fighting the urge to be sucked in to the red Kool-Aid vortex, but I don't remember when I ever stayed up to watch games from the West coast like I did last week.

The Phillies may be playing the best baseball I have ever seen them play, but I do get disturbed with the accolades bestowed on them by the pundits, announcers and others. I remind everyone that they haven't won anything yet, and that the season has many games to go, and that the Gods Of Baseball may be setting us up for the big heartbreak. No, I will not yet jump into the abyss. I will not let my emotions take over - at least not yet. I want them to win it all as much as anybody, and I want them to beat the shit out of the Yankees in the series, but for now I will enjoy the games, making notes on who fucks up, how many times does the Moat Man strike out in critical situations, etc. I will say that his bat has come alive of late, but let's wait until the season is over before losing our minds over him and his team.

Friday, August 5, 2011


The deadlines have come and gone and so has my little summer break. Since my last posting our elected assholes have solved the debt limit crisis they themselves manufactured, giving us a shitty law that will probably cause more of us to join the ranks of the unemployed and to further depress both the housing markets and consumer demand. The best part of the debt crisis going away - for the time being - is that Congress is not in session and I don't have to listen to the politicians blowing smoke up my ass. How nice it would be if they just stayed on their summer recess and never came back. That would mean that none of the big issues of the day would be dealt with, but they wouldn't be worsened either by bankrupted ideologies of both the right and the left.

During the weeks prior to The Deal being made, many on both sides warned of dire consequences in the global markets if the U.S.A. defaulted on our obligations. Funny how things work out as the markets have been nose diving every day since the deal was struck. Yesterday's 513 point drop in the Dow Jones average was a sight to behold for someone who once worked as an investment broker. Thank God my phone wasn't ringing off the hook by panicked clients wanting me to tell them that everything would be OK, and a double thank God that I didn't have to tell them that this might be the greatest buying opportunity of a lifetime. A bit of advice, when your broker tells you to send him/her more money during a selling panic - DON'T DO IT!

The more important trading deadline has also come and gone with the result that the pennant races have now begun in earnest. The big boys all got bigger and badder, the pretenders all made moves to try and stay involved (see Pirates), and the teams with no shot at winning anything gave up the ghost, trading many of their decent players for prospects and suspects. Teams like the Astros were able to reduce their payroll while giving their fans less of a reason to attend their games. I mean, why would I want to pay good money to come see the Astros play games that they have no reasonable chance to win, and why would I spend good money to buy MLB jerseys and hats with Astros on them which tells all who see me that I am a fan of losers?

Given the latest gift from former Phils GM Ed Wade, if Wade isn't enshrined on the Phillies Wall Of Fame it will be a major injustice. Thank you Ed Wade for giving the Phillies the right handed bat they needed. Since leaving us you have been the gift that keeps on giving and, if it were up to me, you would be given a spot of prominence in the event that we here in the greatest city in the world get to have a parade.

You may remember that the LSF was not a backer of bringing Hunter Pence here as the final piece of the puzzle. My fear was that Ruben was going to have to give up Dom Brown and or Vance Worley to make the deal happen and I thought that would have been too much for Pence. I forgot that Ruben was dealing with Ed Wade and, in the end, given that Pence was acquired for prospects only, I now am of the opinion that Ruben has indeed pulled off another good trade. The Astros have become the modern version of the old Kansas City A's and their trading relationship with the Yankees. More on that after a brief word about the candystripers.

The Phillies are playing great baseball as we head into August. They have started to hit the ball and are getting contributions from everyone in the line up. Every night seems to bring us another hero, whether it be the previously given-up-for-dead Raul Ibanez, the I'm-in-my-contract-year Rollins, the my-knee-is-fine Utley, and most especially Superstar (The Moat Man). Howard has been hitting home runs like he knows what he is doing, is showing more discipline at the plate than he has since his MVP year, and even hit his first homer of the season against a lefty. Hopefully, Howard and his teammates will continue to find ways to keep winning and help the team cruise into the playoffs. While the LSF is certainly encouraged by what he has been watching, he has been burnt too often to be ready to drink the Red Kool-Aid. It is far too early for me to give the Phillies my heart again, but will certainly chug the shit when the team is one strike away from winning the World Series. I still worry that the Gods of Baseball may be setting us up for a big fall, so I'll stay the voice of reason and clarity while the rest of you lose your souls over the team.

It seems that whenever the Phillies need a player, the Astros are the go-to team to fulfill the need, and to get rid of guys that are no longer needed or wanted (Brett Meyers, J. Happ, Michael Bourne, etc). As good as the Astros have been to the Phillies, their contributions to our cause pales in comparison to the contributions made to the Yankees by the K.C. A's from the mid 50's to 1961. In that period, the teams consummated sixteen trades involving 62 players and wads of cash. Let's rev up the Wayback Machine so that we can get a close up view of the trades these two teams made.

The A's hadn't even played a month in their new home town when they did their first deal on May 11, 1955. In this deal, the Yankees were able to unload the fading Johnny Sain and Enos Slaughter for a guy named Sonny Dixon and cash - Kind of like Ed Wade sending the Phillies cash in the Pence deal. 1956 would bring three deals including the one made on 8/25/56 that had Slaughter (a future HOFer) back to the Yanks for the waiver price. Sending Slaughter back to the Yanks was the first case of several where the Yankees would park a player in K.C. only to get him back when needed. In October of '56, the Yanks sent Bob Cerv to the A's for cash. The deal was made so that Cerv would get to play everyday, honing his skills until the Yankees wanted him back. The deal to bring Cerv back to the Yankees was made in 1960.

The teams made a major deal on 2/19/57. The Yankees needed another lefthanded pitcher, so the A's sent them former AL MVP Bobby Shantz, Art Ditmar, and Clete Boyer in return six players the Bombers no longer needed. Boyer had been signed as an eighteen year old bonus baby in 1955 and the rules then required that such a player be on the big league roster for two years. The Yankees had scouted Boyer, had wanted to sign him, but didn't want to use a roster spot for him until he was ready for the bright lights. The A's were more than happy to sign the younger brother of HOFer Ken Boyer, and were just as happy to send him to The Bronx when the Yankees were ready for him to play everyday. The Yankees believed that the best playing days were behind Billy Martin so, on 6/15/57, they sent him to K.C. in exchange for relief pitcher Ryne Duren, outfielder Harry Simpson, and a few other players not worth mentioning. Duren would help the Yankees win a couple of World Series, and Simpson would play a reserve role until he was no longer needed when he was sent back to K.C. on 6/15/58.

In 1958, the Yankees were smarting from their '57 World Series loss to the Braves and believed that they needed more pitching. They got the A's to send them Murray Dickson, a crafty veteran pitcher who had spent most of his career with the Pirates and the Cardinals, for what amounted to a bag of donuts. Dickson did indeed help the Yankees beat the Braves in the '58 fall classic and, on 5/9/59, was sent back to the A's for the waiver price.

1959 saw several trades of importance between these two teams. Having sent Dickson back to the A's, the Yankees were short pitching and reacquired Ralph Terry from the A's. Terry had been part of the 1957 deal for Ryne Duren and spent a couple of years in K.C. before being recalled to the Yankee staff. The big deal of 1959 happened on 12/11 when the A's gave the Yankees a Xmas present by sending them Roger Maris and Hector Lopez in exchange for 4 players, including Don Larsen and Marv Throneberry. Larsen had done nothing since his 1956 World Series perfect game and Throneberry was still a few years away from being part of the hapless 1962 Mets, where he acquired the nickname of Marvelous for his overall lousy play.

The Yankees finished second to the White Sox in 1959, so they reacquired Bob Cerv on 5/19/60. Cerv helped the Yankees return to glory in '60 & '61.

The last trade made between these two clubs was made on 6/14/61 when the Yankees sent Art Ditmar back to the A's for a guy named Bud Daley.

Throughout the period when the A's & Yankees were doing their business the rest of the teams cried foul and the A's fans were pissed and very unhappy that their team was basically acting like a farm club to the New Yorkers. Despite smelling like day old fish, the teams were not breaking any rules and Commissioner Ford Frick didn't have the power to stop the deals for the good of baseball as Bud Selig could do today. Sometime in 1960, A's owner Arnold Johnson died and new owner Charlie Finley wanted no part of being a feeder team for the Yankees. Finley had grand ideas for the A's - grand ideas that came to fruition after he moved the team to Oakland, but that's a story for another day.

So, as good to the Phillies as Ed Wade has been, he has a long way to go before equaling the largess of the late 50's A's. I don't think that Ruben wants Meyers or Happ back and, with Michael Bourne now a Brave, there may not be anyone left on the Astros that is worth stealing.

I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention the incredible activity shown by the Eagles since the lockout ended. I'll speak to all of their moves in a later post but, before you order your Super Bowl tickets please remember that, with all of their moves, Fat Andrew is still the guy managing the clock on gameday and I'm sticking to my belief that the Eagles will never win a title with the Lord of Lard at the helm.

Have a great weekend!

Friday, July 29, 2011

TICK... TICK.... TICK....

It's here. If you are someone who likes deadlines, then this weekend will have you floating in the clouds. Deadlines abound everywhere - some even matter.

I can remember a time, back in the dark ages when I was in college, when a deadline meant that a term paper was due the next day and it was time to get started on the assignment. The fact that the paper was going to count for a large percentage of my grade, and that it had been assigned months before wasn't important. I, like many of my friends, had more important issues to deal with - such as partying - and knew that we had plenty of time to write the paper. When up against this kind of deadline I would set up a table in the dorm lounge and start writing. The clock was ticking so I would dispense with outlines and just start writing on a legal pad. Fraternity pledges were enlisted to take my pages to the ladies in Centennial Hall who typed as I wrote. With the help of some "Black Beauties" the job always got done. When the writing and typing were finished (usually about ten minutes before the thing was due) I would run it over to the prof without having proofed it and then return to the dorm for days of sleep. The system worked, I was never late on a paper.

Unfortunately, the deadlines we are watching now are a little more important to all of us than the stuff I wrote about in the late '60s. The big deadline of the debt crisis would be very amusing if the consequences of failing to get the deal done in time weren't so dire. This process has been a teaching moment, one that I fear has been lost on most Americans. If you've been paying attention you would have learned that the people we elected are about as stupid as humans can be. You would have learned that our elected darlings care about one thing and one thing only - themselves and getting re-elected. You would have heard them say that they are just giving us what the American people want. Well, I'm an American person and I've never been asked for my opinion, although I do get mail from time to time asking me to give them money. If you have been paying attention you might have come to the opinion that these assholes are acting like spoiled children rather than doing what they need to be doing. Well, the deadline is here and they need to get the paper written now. I say, give Boehner and his gangsters all the Black Beauties they need (contact Limbaugh for the name of a dealer in the District) and have them pass something that has a chance to pass the Senate and save the country from the horrible consequences a default would bring.

I am hoping against hope that the idiots in Washington will pass something, no matter how bad it is for the country, so let me turn to what many believe is a more important deadline.

The non-waiver trading deadline is now two and a half days away. Some deals have been done including the trade of Carlos Beltran to the Giants. Thank god Ruben didn't bring him here in exchange for the future. Amaro has yet to pull any triggers, but the conventional wisdom has him focused on Hunter Pence of the Astros. Some in the press are trying to sell us on the idea that Pence would be a perfect fit here. They want us to believe that his right-handed bat, positioned right behind Howard in the lineup, would be the catalyst for Howard to see more fastballs and to pepper the bleachers with a plethora of home runs. Unless Pence's being in the lineup can somehow magically stop Howard from striking out on pitches at his ankles, I'm not convinced that he or anyone available is worth stripping the farm of guys like Cosart or Singleton.

While Hunter Pence may be first on Ruben's wish list there are some in the baseball world that say not so fast. An article in today's paper has an interview with a long time baseball scout who has less than glowing things to say about the guy. According to this scout, Pence has a slow bat which forces him to cheat with his swing in order to strike the ball so that it will drop safely between defenders. That, according to the scout, causes Pence to strike out a lot. Just what we need - a guy hitting behind Howard who strikes out a lot. We already have a line up riddled with slow bats and strike outs - do we need to give up our best prospects and perhaps a Brown for this kind of player? I don't think so, especially considering the potential needs of the next few seasons when the Phillies will have question marks at SS, 3B, LF, & RF, to mention but a few. I'd rather Amaro go for a lesser name and not mortgage the team's future.

One last baseball tid-bit, and I know this isn't going to be what you want to read. Tough. We were all excited about the return of Cliff Lee. Many got caught up with the 4 Aces bullshit and started drinking the Kool Aid as soon as he put on his jersey at the press conference. Lee had one of the best months of any pitcher this past June, but that is yesterday's news. I read this morning that since Lee was traded to the Rangers last year he has a record of 13-13, which is a lot worse than you would expect from an Ace. I'm starting to think that he may not be the same guy who pitched so well for us in 2009.

The NFL is back in business and the anticipated flurry of trades have been made. The Patriots have traded for both Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco. If Haynesworth has anything left after his year in the Redskin doghouse and, if Ocho can return to the form he showed two years ago, then the Pats could be a top pick for this season.

In the worst-kept secret since the beginning of time, Kevin Kolb will now be wearing the silly Arizona Cardinals uniform and the Eagles will have another D-back who doesn't like to hit people. Kolb is now The Man in the desert so we'll find out just how good or not good this guy is.

On the golf front, Tiger Woods is scheduled to return to the tour at some whites-only country club, and he is sporting a beard. Does anyone out there care?

Finally, I would be remiss in my duties as the LSF if I failed to mention that, after beating up the hapless Padres, the Phillies dropped 2 out of 3 to the defending world champion Giants. Against a good team with good pitching, the Phillies bats went to sleep. Is anyone else starting to see this pattern? Perhaps they will be able to come back against my beloved Pirates and maybe they won't. The Pirates are coming to town after a rough series against the Braves in which one of the games was decided by a bad call. They should be hungry to battle and beat the Phillies. It could be fun. I think they'll pull it off.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, July 28, 2011


This afternoon I got my daily e-mail from Crossing Broad. Sometimes I read it, sometimes I don't. Today I read the article about the house Superflop is having built in Florida. The house is going to take three years to build and will come in at around $23,000,000. In the spirit of being somewhat fair I need to point out that Howard is not the only athlete to do something like this. Tiger Woods and Derek Jeter have similar abodes as do many of the folks who have a lower tax rate than you do.

What sets Howard's crib apart from the others is that he is having a moat built around his place.

A moat? Does he believe that he is a medieval lord? What the fuck does this asshole need a moat for? Also included is the obligatory pool, bowling alley, and God knows what else. Maybe he ought to include a trophy room where he can display his spit soaked batting gloves or his little boy bats, or his body armor.

That's it! The asshole wears that armor on his right elbow (which has to effect his swing) so maybe he thinks he is King Arthur - thus the moat. Look, the guy makes (steals?) a ton of money and can do with it what he pleases, but the excess seems in bad form when millions of Americans are sitting at home worrying if they will get their Social Security checks. Talk to some of these folks and unless you are a Tea Party flaming asshole you will immediately understand how scared they are. Or talk to someone struggling to keep their child in college who now has to worry whether or not the Pell grant they desperately need to pay the bills is going to come or not.

I suppose that many of the rich folks don't get it - because everything is honky dory for them. Some of them are hedge fund managers who take down in excess of a billion dollars a year and pay the cap gains tax rate of 15% while the schmuck who makes $50,000 a year pays a rate nearly twice that. Duh. Science fiction writers couldn't make this shit up, but it is true.

Now some politicians tell us that we must cut spending dramatically, but cannot increase taxes or close loopholes on the very wealthiest of individuals or corporations as they are the job creators. Uh huh - so where are the fucking jobs for the middle and working classes? Well, a bunch of them are now somewhere other than here. I hope I'm not the only one who gets crazy when calling Comcast and gets to speak with some dude who is in some city in India that I cannot pronounce. Americans should have those jobs.

Both parties have now given up their "deficit reduction plans" and both ask those in the middle and working classes to once again bend over and grab their ankles tightly. Have they all lost their minds and their souls? It looks like they have. We need to throw them all out of office and start over - but we won't - trust me on that. Lastly, I wish that Obama will beg Michelle to allow him to wear his balls the next time he speaks to the nation and when he sits down at the table with Boehner, Cantor, and the rest of the Nazi contingent. I'm at the point that I would love him to address the nation to tell us that he will veto both plans because neither includes new revenue, and if we default - so be it. Then he needs to outline what he will sign, and stick to his guns. After the speech he should call the Chinese and tell them not expect interest payments until the congress does the right thing. He should tell them that with the funds available he is going to pay our troops, our seniors, and continue to fund grants and scholarships for kids.

I figure it will take the Chinese about one minute to be on the phone with our congressional leaders demanding that they end this madness - as in now.

I believe that we must get our fiscal house in order. If we don't then we will drive this country to the ground. For those of you that believe that drastic cuts must be made now while we are in the grips of the worst decline since the depression need to read the history of the Great Depression. The economy was coming back by 1937, and then collapsed again because congress, in its infinite wisdom, decided that all was well and started to cut back on spending for programs that employed millions of Americans. Without the spending, these people lost their jobs, stopped spending and the country nosedived again and stayed down until the Second World War when we had no choice but to spend, employ people, and make things.

After the war, after a small recession, we saw America's greatest decades where middle and working class people had good jobs and were able to become solid members of the middle class. The middle class now is in a death spiral and will not recover unless and until good paying jobs are there for the taking.

This recession might have been caused by the excesses of the financial services industry, but continues because of a lack of demand. People without jobs do not spend money on anything but the bare necessities and those who are still employed cut back their spending as they are afraid of losing their jobs. My solution is to create a federally-funded jobs program that will really put people back to work. There are thousands of infrastructure projects which are not being done because of a lack of funding. How many bridges have to be declared unsafe or fall down before our elected darlings get the picture? Bridges need steel. In my world, the law would require the use of steel made in the U.S.A.. No foreign subsidized shit allowed! Next time you take a ride on our superhighways, count the miles of deteriorating concrete and the number of potholes you drive over. Fuck the deficit for now, let's rebuild our highways and byways, by employing Americans using American concrete.

I could go on all night with this, but let's just say that I am in favor of another Marshall Plan - this time directed internally. It will create jobs, increase demand which will cause American companies to hire Americans and reinvest here.

I was going to stick to baseball today, but it didn't work out that way. Yes, the Phillies could not find a way to beat the Giants last night. FLASH: Carlos Beltran to the Giants - he is expected to be in the lineup tonight against the Phillies! I wish I could give a shit, but there are more important issues on my plate at this time.

Monday, July 25, 2011


Global warming does not exist. The concept is a fraud that has been concocted by the electric utility companies and companies who manufacture and sell air-conditioning, electrolyte replacement drinks, and shore towns that advertise being cooler than the concrete jungles of Philly and New York. They all make tons of money over this fraud. They especially make gobs of cash when the temperature and humidity outside are as oppressive as they have been over the past several days. The LSF's least favorite season of the year is summer. I dread its coming, and count the days until it is over. I'd rather have it in the teens with a ton of snow on the ground than 100 and humid. The LSF perspires a lot and, when the heat is where it has been, I sweat like a bitch.

I have been out of the house three times since I got home from dancing Wednesday night and each time made me more miserable, cantankerous, and nasty. Because I was home a lot I watched a whole lot more TV than I normally do and, as a result, I hate Comcast more than I normally do - which borders on being pathological when I have to call them. I pay what I consider to be a lot of money to have over a hundred channels of mostly nothing to watch. Seriously, the only things I watch on a regular basis are news shows, ball games, and movies. The only time I watch the over-the-air-channels is for the local news and weather. I watch channel six because I can relate to Jim Gardner, and their weekend weather lady Melissa Magee is sizzling hot.

I don't watch the shopping channels and I believe that daytime talk shows that tell me how to deal with menopause or what to wear with my new orange shoes are the type of programming that further dumbs down the population from its rather lowly starting point. We are, generally speaking, a stupid people. We fit Einstein's definition of insanity perfectly. We keep electing the same kind of assholes we always do, and believe them when they tell us how much they care about "The American People." We then get angry at them when they don't do anything except kow tow to the oligarchy and give them whatever they want at the expense of the rest of us.

Fortunately, I caught myself. I was about to get into a political rant that would have offended everybody. I don't care if what I say offends somebody, and I particularly enjoy offending right wing assholes. All you have to do to offend these folks is to tell them the truth. As Jack Nicholson once said "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH." They delight in acting offended so the rest of us might accommodate them whenever we can.

So, being home I watched more baseball than I normally do, and even caught a few innings of an IronPigs game. I actually got to see Mike Zagurski have a 1-2-3 inning. I watched Baseball Tonight and a myriad of shows on MLB. I watched all of the Phillies games as well as a few others like last night's Reds-Braves game.

I am not having as much fun writing this season because, despite long periods of not hitting, tons of missed games by so called key players, the lack of offense for long stretches of the season, the lack of power production from a team that must hit home runs, the team keeps winning. The Gods Of Baseball have allowed the Phillies to win 64 games so far and stay atop the NL East. No matter what, they keep on winning and certain question marks have actually stepped up and contributed.

How about that Michael Martinez? Given a chance to play every day, all of a sudden he is getting on base and has shown that he can play some pretty good defense. His three run homer on Saturday night carried the team to victory, especially when you added the two blasts by Utley, and the pinch hit blast by Superstar who had, until that shot, a 100 at-bat home run drought.

With yesterday's win, the Phils have won another series - no matter what tomorrow's outcome is. I would like them to win, since what comes next for this team will not be as easy for the Candystripers as the Padres have been. Face it, the Padres are the Phillies bitch team and may never win another game against the Phillies. The Giants and the Pirates will not lay down for our home town heroes and winning both of those series will be a major accomplishment. We have seen the Phillies bats come alive earlier this season against shitty teams only to fold like a cheap suit against a good team with good pitching. From what I can tell, we are scheduled to see the Giants' top three pitchers and we always have trouble beating the Bucs who won a big game today to stay tied atop the NL Central.

My spirits were lifted today watching baseball games. Let me explain. I had to do laundry today and our laundry room temperature made the fires of hell seem temperate. I didn't have a choice since I was out of clean clothes. Women do not understand that laundry time for a guy only comes when there is nothing clean and the "dirty" stuff is too funky to wear. It's a guy thing. Regardless, I would put a load in the washer and by the time I got back to my apartment I would be soaking hot, making me miserable. The Reds-Braves game was on and Dontrelle Willis was keeping the Braves down - until he self destructed allowing the Braves pull even. That sucked since a Reds win would push the Braves back another game against the Phillies. Imagine my joy and elation when Drew Stubbs hit a walk off home run in the bottom of the ninth giving the Reds a 4-3 win. After that I went down to retrieve my laundry only to come back miserably hot and grouchy as shit. I remained this way until I turned on MLB just in time to see super free agent Jayson Werth strike out in the bottom of the ninth to end the game with another loss for the Nats. Werth has not exactly made their GM look good for the $126MM signing and any day I expect to read that he has been found floating in the Potomac. Werth fanning was a treat and a fine way to end my weekend of watching ball games.

That's it for now. Stay cool and be patient since, as the debt limit deadline draws nearer and our elected darlings keep posturing, I may do a political rant suitable for no one's ears.