Back in the day, Chicago Cub Hall Of famer Ernie Banks was famous for his love of the game and his call to play two. With hurricane Irene about to sweep up the coast we may have to up Banks by calling for the Phillies to play three games tonight against the Marlins. If they don't then the Phillies quest for another division title will be pushed back by at least two postponements. Just as important, the scheduled contest between the Philadelphia Athletics and the Elizabeth Resolutes has been changed from a ball game to a surfing contest.
Mother nature doesn't seem to give a damn that we have pennant races to deal with or that countless block parties will be wiped out this weekend in the greatest city in the world. The LSF attends many block parties over the course of the summer and this weekend I was scheduled to be at one on Florence Ave in SW Philly. They needed a token Caucasian and I was available.
Wherever Mother Nature lives, she is I'm sure quite proud of herself. Earlier this week she gave us the first earthquake tremors that most of us had ever felt, but that was not enough to satisfy her. No, the bitch was tired of tornadoes in the Midwest and avalanches in the Rockies, and decided that it was time to give the East Coast a weekend to remember. Seriously, if the weather forecasters are even a little bit right in what they are calling for instead of baseball at the Bank we might have to settle for kayak races down Market Street. For those of you who have never experienced the joy of 100 mph winds you are in for some scary shit. 100 mph winds sound like a runaway freight train heading right for your house. The only comparable sound is the swoosh of Ryan Howard striking out with the bases loaded. As bad as that sounds, multiply it by a factor of four when the storm passes your place.
Then there is the rain. When the rain pounds against the side of your house you may think that Tea Party assholes are spraying your walls with fire from an AK-47. It can be loud as shit, as can the sound of that big old tree in your yard that gives up the ghost and joins you in your family room. The rain won't care if you live in a place where the streets flood. If it wants to create a new great lake - it will.
Now some of you will head out to your favorite super market to stock up for the deluge. I can already tell you that the store will be out of bread, milk, and eggs when you get there. The snack aisles will also be bare because everyone knows that the American Red Cross advises everyone to fill their pantries with munchie foods ahead of any large storm. Smart people will also be buying toilet paper - just in case. I mean, would you rather run out of chips or TP? The joke of course is on all of us, especially those of us who cook on electric stoves. During a huge storm with high winds many will lose their power and will be unable to cook up the foods they have just bought. A way around this would be to stock up only on those foods that you don't have to cook, considering that you won't be able to call the pizza parlor to deliver your dinner but you can eat a can of beans. Hey, if you are high enough, cold baked beans can be a real treat, and who among us wouldn't enjoy eating a jar of extra crunchy peanut butter with a spoon right out of the jar. Hell, I've been known to do that even when there is no super storm.
With the Phillies taking the night off there isn't much to report on the sports front. For you green Kool-Aid drinkers the Eagles did beat the Browns in a pre-season game. Don't get to excited about that one - it was the Browns led by Colt McCoy. What the fuck is up with his name? What kind of people would name their kid Colt? Were they disappointed that he wasn't born a horse? Despite the win, I wasn't real impressed with the play of the offensive line. Things could get real interesting for Michael Vick when the games are for real unless in the next two weeks someone learns how to block.
On the baseball front, the Yankees scored 22 runs last night when Cano, Granderson, and Martin all hit grand slams. Three salamis in one game. Wow, I really hate the Yankees and hope the new Yankee Stadium is washed away by Irene. The S.F. Giants lost again - the eighteenth time in the last 26 games and are now three and a half games behind the D-Backs. Finally, Jim Thome was traded to the Indians, the team where he began his career. Retiring as a member of the Tribe is the way to go for Thome and I hope he does retire on a high note after this season.
Good luck riding out the storm and we'll pick up next week after I have finished building my ark.
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