Looking For Ivan DeJesus

The Hot Stove League hasn't exactly started out with a blazing amount of heat, but we'll try to recap what we know so far.

To date we have not seen any major free agent signings - it's as if everyone is waiting to see what former Phillies Cliff Lee and Jayson Werth get so that the bar can be set. No one alive today ever believed that the two top free agents would ever have ties to the Phillies, but that's how it has turned out. You spoiled rotten Yankee fans need not bring up the names Jeter or Rivera since they aren't going anywhere except back to the Bronx. The only question for those two is how much of the Streinbrenner kids' money they are going to get. They should get plenty, especially since the kids don't have to pay any inheritance taxes because the Boss had the smarts to die during 2010, when the tax had been waved.

Also, don't even dream about the Phillies bringing back Lee, because there is no shot that the team will entertain the possibility of having one of the greatest staffs in history as long as they have to pay Big Joe Blanton 10m and the washed up Ibanez 11.5m next year. It would be nice to pencil in Hamels as your number 4 though.

As to Jayson Werth - no chance there either. Werth and his Uber Agent will find a team willing to give him Power Ball numbers - but the Phillies don't want to nor will they play that number. So we are left to wonder if Dom Brown has the stuff to make us forget the bearded one. On a personal note I can't wait to see him leave since I still have to hear how hot he is from my squeeze. I don't get it - he does absolutely nothing for me.

So far the Phillies big news is the re-signing Contreras to a new 2 year deal. They were able to sign him for what today amounts to chump change, but he did pitch well enough to merit a return to the Bank. I'll feel better if they make a deal with Durbin, which should happen unless he wants to get paid what he is worth.

And now for the biggest Phillies news of the off season, and I'm not talking about Doc winning the Cy Young (Doc deserved the award - hands down!). As a consolation prize the Giants are giving Lincecum a silver plated bong for his off season training regimen.

The big news is of course the return of Ryne Sandberg. Rhino, as you know, has been tapped to manage the Iron Pigs. Sandberg had been managing the Cubs AAA Des Moines squad, but was not promoted to manage the big team - so he left. My question is what do the Cubs know about Ryne that led them to retain their interim guy (nobody knows the guys name) instead of elevating Sandberg. We will find out.

Sandberg had less than a cup of coffee with the Phils when he became the throw-in guy when the Phillies sent fan favorite Larry Bowa to the Cubs for Ivan De Jesus. Authorities in Puerto Rico are looking for Ivan as I write this, since part of the Sandberg deal is that Ivan must go back to Chicago where he is slated to be Rahm Emmanuel's driver during the Rahmsters run to become the mayor of the windy city.

Looking back at the history of our Phillies one can't help but remember that Sandberg is not the only Hall of Famer the Phils sent to the Cubs. Can you say, "Ferguson Jenkins?" He was the Canadian born hurler who had about 17 20-win seasons in a row after leaving here. I am sick and tired of being raped by the Cubs - are you? Now we all know that the Cubs haven't won anything for a century so the next question is - how many future hall of famers do the Cubs have to get from our guys before they win anything?

Enough of baseball and on to last night's football contest. (Cowboy fans out there may want to get back to their miserable lives right about now!) I've been watching the Eagles for more years than I care to admit to, and have for the most part been a long suffering fan of the men in green. In all those years I've seen some fine quarterbacking from the likes of Norm Van Brocklin, Sonny Jurgenson, Ron Jaworski, Randall Cunningham and one or two good games by McNabb. I have never seen a performance, however, as outstanding as the one I saw from Michael Vick last night.

The man did it all! He ran! He passed with an accuracy that he didn't have when he was with Atlanta! A great job.

To do it on the day that the Skins gave McNabb an extension made it all the more joyful. Thank you Daniel Snyder for guaranteeing at least two more years of mediocrity for your Redskins. D-Mac rewarded Snyder's foolish largess by tossing 3 ints, 5 worm burners & a mostly shitty performance. Shanahan must be wondering why he took the job.

It wasn't just Vick who performed well. How about the catch Avant made when Vick threw him a laser at the back of the end zone? Avant looked like a ballet dancer coming down on his toes to secure the TD. My sleeper award though goes to the running back acquired from the Browns when the Birds sent Bell to the mistake-by-the-lake for Harrison, who ran like Crazy Legs Hirsch every time he touched the ball. Could it be that Fat Andrew now has a two-headed monster at running back?

But, the player of the game has to be Mike Vick. It's a shame that Cleveland already has a Dawg Pound. I mean how sick would it be for the maniacs at the Linc to act like the folks do in Cleveland. (alright PETA people - just chill!)

I do have a concern about the Eagles, however, which kept me up last night. It isn't well known, but the baseball gods (you remember how they toyed with us) are cousins to the football gods. Their is a story out there that they recently got together and discussed how cool it would be to do to the Eagles what happened to the Phillies. This could mean that the Birds will fly high until the playoffs and then...................you know what will happen.

Lastly. The camera was panning the Eagles sideline during the 4th quarter and showed Kevin (I don't know how to spell my name) Kolb. He wasn't smiling. I guess he has figured out that his time to be the man has come and gone. The guy is getting paid 12m to hold a fucking clipboard - he should smile. Hell I would do it for a lot less.

That's it from the Hot Stove circuit for now. As things develop I will report to you my interpretations of all the news not fit to print anywhere but here.