Friday, April 6, 2012

Like It Or Not - The Ty, Freddy, & Laynce Era Is Here!

The Long Suffering Fan is back after six months on the disabled list.

During my time on the sidelines, we've endured a season of Another Great Job by Fat Andrew, an exciting young Sixers team, and a Flyers team that people I know who watch the sport tell me is doing okay. The LSF, as you may remember, will not watch any sport that only plays three quarters.

But, all of the above is only what we pay attention to when baseball isn't being played. Well, during the coming week, umpires throughout the land will say, "Play ball," and I am ecstatic! The Candy-Stripers are heading north and you actually WILL need a scorecard to figure out who this group of Phillies are. Here we go again.

I'll get the good news out first. The Phillies will have, if not the best, than at least one of the best two or three pitching staffs in MLB. If Worley continues to get better and if Blanton can, well, just be Blanton, there won't be too many long losing streaks.

I like the bullpen as well. Papelbon is an upgrade at the closer spot. The guy is more than a little crazy, and that isn't a bad thing in a closer. I feel bad for Madson, but good for his Tommy John surgeon, and good for the fact that the Phillies won't be paying him to convalesce. Kendrick, Stutes, Bastard, and Qualls should all be fine, and probably so will Herndon and Savery. We hope.

Charley needs the Aces to come up real big, because the team is going to suck big time at the plate. Stop groaning and understanding something. Being real and telling the truth is not the same thing as being negative. The LSF does not drink red Kool-Aid. I don't care what Amaro says. I don't care what the local writers say. I don't care what MLB Network pundits say. I tell it like I see it, and what I see gives me cause for concern.

Let's look at the line-up.

We start the season with Who on first, Nobody on second, and a couple of brittle old men rounding out the infield. We have Freddy Galvis on 2B who needs a whole lot more AAA AB's before I get on his bandwagon. Raise your hands if you think Thome, Wigginton, and whoever will make me forget Ryan Howard (and I'm pretty fucking far from longing for Ryan Howard). The outfield could be decent and maybe better than that if Mayberry can play like he did during the second half of last season. I have no problem with Chooch, so long as he stays healthy. If not, maybe Schneider will be able to outhit his weight. The offense will struggle to score, and the rest of the division (sans Mets) has improved, so my best advice is to hold off on buying Kool-Aid futures.

As you may recall, I like to adopt a long-shot basement-dweller as my honorary favorite team each season. In 2010, it was the Royals. Last year, it was the Pirates This season, I will choose two teams. I will adopt the Astros as my National League team. My American League pet team will be revealed in my next posting. I'll also be awarding a Bum Of The Week citation to the Phillie who sucked the most during the previous week. I'll start now with my Bum Of The Spring Award. It goes to Chase Utley for once again blowing off spring training and probably April, May, & June. He'll also start the season on the MLB Top Ten Stealers Of Paychecks.

Hoping to piss some of you off, I'll also be talking a lot more about politics. Here's a preview. If you are a Republican, you either have lost your soul or your mind. There are no other choices. If you believe Mitt Romney to be authentic, I will have a car salesman at your house tomorrow. If you see nothing wrong with how Willard Romney made his money, you either don't know what vulture capitalists do, or you think Scrooge wasn't so bad of a fella before those liberal pussy ghosts got a hold of him. Then, of course, there is Rick Santorum, who would like to go medieval on women, blacks, & most others. I've voted against this Neo-Nazi asshole three times already, I may even change my registration so I can vote against him in the upcoming Republican primary. Lastly, if anybody has compromising photos of Eric Cantor or Paul Ryan, please contact me immediately.

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