DANNY WHO?

I wasn't planning to spend the greater part of an evening watching NFL Commish Goodell make 30 announcements that I was watching the NFL draft. The only reason I was still in front of the T.V. when Goodell announced that with the 23rd pick in the 2011 NFL draft the Eagles had selected offensive tackle Danny Watkins from Baylor was that I had fallen asleep at some point earlier during the event, and when I awoke the Eagles pick was only a few minutes away - so I figured that I might as well stay put and watch what surprise Fat Andrew had for us.

I was grateful that the gods of falling asleep in front of the T.V. had spared me the unholy trio of Boomer, Chucky, and Mel, whose contributions to the show were inane, silly, and downright insulting. They were commenting and parsing every move as if this shit was important. I have been tired of the bumbling, fumbling Berman for many years and he did nothing to change my opinion that he should either retire or move to Belarus to cover that nation's sporting scene. Gruden has proven that he was a far better coach than a commentator. To his credit, he has learned every football cliche as he seems to have no difficulty in putting them all to use. Jon Gruden is a moron and should be sent to wherever Joe Theissman is so they can babble to each other and not offend our intelligence with their nonsense. Mel Kiper, the self-proclaimed king of the "draftologists" should be drafted into the Marine Corps and then sent to Afghanistan as a member of a bomb disposal unit. This clown has made a fortune being wrong and making those who are supposed to know about such things wrong about their selections when they don't neatly fit into Kiper's delusions.

Since the Eagles obviously have no intention of addressing their biggest need, that of replacing their head coach, I have no problem with the selection of an O-lineman as this is an area needing attention. Last year's line blocked nobody, so maybe Watkins will help. The important word is maybe, since His Largeness has a spotty record of picking linemen.

I was still shaking my head when King Andrew The Large was interviewed about the pick by Keith Russell. Prince Roly Poly was so effusive in his praise that I found myself buying in to the Obese One telling me that this was the guy he wanted because he was the best ever and all the rest. Just when I was about to drink some green kool-aid something dawned on me - this was Andy Reid praising Andy Reid's pick, and Andy has a history of not telling us the truth. I screamed at the T.V. I had had all that I could stand so, with the adeptness of the superior athlete that I am, I grabbed the remote and turned the set off in what might be record time.

Watkins may indeed turn out to be the answer for the O-line, but the long suffering fan has more important matters to deal with. With the Sixers now finished, and with little interest in the Flyers-Bruin match-up, my laser focus is aimed at the Phillies. I am concerned and you should be as well.

For whatever reason the Phillies bats came alive in the getaway game in Arizona. The team got some production from guys who had taken most of the month of April and were able to salvage a win against the D'Backs. While a win was nice it certainly didn't erase the pathetic play of recent weeks. The upcoming games against two other shitty teams will give us a better idea if the team slump is over. Time will tell.

One of my concerns is the health of the team. Blanton just went on the DL. Maybe the guy has been hurt all season. That could explain why he has been mostly horrific. Ruiz said "Oy, mein bek," [Editor's Note - I don't think Ruiz actually speaks Yiddish] which means that Schneider will be the starter until Ruiz gets his rest. Rest? This is April. If the guy needs rest in April, what will July and August bring? We still have no idea when Utley will be able to play, and what he will bring to the table when he does. Ibanez continues to deteriorate in front of our eyes and I've heard rumors that he has ordered one of those power wheel chairs one sees advertised.

The long suffering fan is also greatly concerned about the staff. Lidge remains on the shelf, Contreras is right next to him and they both are making room for Blanton. With Oswalt home dealing with the aftermath of the tornado we could be in deep doo doo if the remaining three aces don't win every time out - something that seems unlikely, especially with the early season performance of Lee. Hamels seems to be righting his ship and Halladay is still Halladay. Without Contreras, the closer's role falls to Madson who, despite some success this season, has a history of not being able to get the job done in any inning not called the 8th.

I'll feel a lot better if the candystripers can win the next 6 games against the Madoffs and the Nats. I'll feel really good if Jayson Worthless hears some chin music but, given the way things sometimes work here in Philly, the guy may break out of his season long slump while here.

Let me know how the NFL draft works out tonight because I won't be watching. I'll be watching the newest member of the Phillies, Vance Worley, take the mound against the Madoffs. He might do well since his first start of the season is against what amounts to a AAA team. Have a great weekend!