If you are the kind of person who just can't resist a parade, you are in luck. For real! In about two weeks there will be hundreds of parades all over the place celebrating Memorial Day. You can even wear the red white and blue Phillies alternative home jersey if you want because the LSF is beginning to believe that we won't be having a parade come late October.
Last night the Phillies bats continued their spring break, allowing a decent outing by Lee to go to waste. Yes, Lee allowed the most walks ever in a single game by a guy named Cliff Lee, but he still would have won the game had the team scored some runs. I understand that Cardinals pitcher Westbrook pitched a good game, but then many of you might well have done so against the line up Charlie put out there last night.
I read yesterday that the team has been scoring one run for Lee per game over his last six starts. Do you think Lee is beginning to think he should have gone to NY? I don't know what the guy is thinking but he can't be very happy. Even though Lee has not been the dominating lefty that we have seen of him in the past he certainly has pitched better than his current record shows. In that he joins Doc who also hasn't enjoyed the support of his non-hitting teammates.
Have no fear gang. Oswalt is back and he is scheduled to start today under a 65 pitch count. You know how I feel about pitch counts, but the brain trust has decided that to be today's magic number. I hope Oswalt is tossing a no-no after hitting the number. If Charlie pulls him in favor of the bullpen in that situation and they blow it then perhaps we can have an adult conversation about pitch counts. The Phillies are worried about Oswalt's back but, if the guys back is still fucked up, then why not give the ball to Worley who has won both of his starts - looking good in doing so.
Oh, they can't use Worley because, despite his two great starts and excellent relief work, Vance is now sporting a Pig on his shirt having been sent down in order to make room for Oswalt on the roster. The story is that Charlie spoke to Worley on the flight from Miami to St. Louis and blew copious amounts of smoke up the guys ass telling him that there is a spot on the team for him, especially the way he stepped up and did the job over the past few weeks. "You will be part of the equation son". "We want you to go to Allentown and stretch out so that if Oswalt or Blanton can't do the job you can come back and start for us. Now if I'm Vance Worley I'd i've been looking at Charlie like he was speaking Mandarin. I'd have reminded him that I'm a 25 year old kid who doesn't need stretching out - that what I need is the ball in a Phillies uniform. If I was Worley I'd have asked Charlie just what the fuck I have to do to stick with this team, and wonder why Kendrick doesn't make the trip up the turnpike to Iron Pig Land instead of me. If Worley had the stones he would have asked to be released or traded to a team that might appreciate his efforts and performance to date. If I was Worley I'd be both confused and pissed off about my demotion. The baseball gods can't be happy about the demotion either and I suspect they have conjured up something interesting for the Phillies as an example. The gods wanted Worley to be the man for at least another month or two. They wanted the team to be contending with Worley blowing a late September game costing the team the division and more heartbreak for the faithful. There will be payback from the gods for this very stupid move by Charlie and Ruben.
Last night Balls stopped by to bring me four of the largest bagels I have ever seen. For real, I've seen loaves of bread smaller than these things, and I plan to enjoy them. These bad boys are awesome and they will die with cream cheese all over them. The LSF no longer eats packaged white bread, limiting himself to real Jewish rye (with seeds), challah, or bagels. If you want to eat the poison called Wonderbread, or Stroehmans be my guest, but this LSF will resist the buy-one-get-one deals on packaged bread and, if you find a coupon for this shit, you needn't give me a heads up. Coupons are another source of irritation for me and I may speak to this at a later date. For now, just let me point something out about coupons. Has anyone ever seen a coupon for something that is good for you? No, really. I have never seen a coupon for tomatoes or veggies, or fruit, but I have seen a gazillion coupons for salt snacks, cookies, ice cream and even the colored sugar water called Hugs. Hugs will guarantee a lifetime of obesity and diabetes for you and your kids, but what a deal!
So, after the pride of the Athletics left last night, I saw a Dairy Queen commercial. Since it was about the time of night that my thoughts had turned to wanting to eat everything as a result of a severe case of the munchies, the commercial caught my eye. The commercial tried to tell me that DQ made the best milkshakes in the world according to a consumer panel who had taste tested the DQ product against others. Duh! The others must have included McDonalds and Burger King because they obviously didn't give the panel an old fashioned shake.
If you want the joy of a milkshake, you need to find a place that makes the thing from scratch and who does not pour some shit out of a carton into a fucking machine. You need to find a place that makes its shakes in a metal container hooked up to an Oster shake mixer. You need to find a place that uses thick syrup, several scoops of good ice cream and real milk, not some soy shit imitation. You need to find a place that knows exactly how long the shake should be mixed and then serves it to you with both a straw and a spoon. You want to hear the sound that the mixer blades make against the container when that same container is being removed from the mixer. Dairy Queen does not cut it gang, but if you believe the commercial and agree on the quality of their product I'll meet you somewhere and take you shopping for a polyester suit, dacron socks, and a nylon sport shirt made somewhere other than in the USA. If you are the type who consumes DQ shakes, McDonalds anything, or has it your way at Burger King, I know how much you like clothes made from petroleum, but I have bad news - Today's Man and Krass Bros. are not coming back! Deal with it. I don't want you to think that I am a purist by any means since I have over the years consumed my fair share of Dairy Queen cones dipped in either chocolate or jimmies, but don't tell me that they make the best shakes in the world because that insults my intelligence!
Have a great day!
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