I CAN'T WATCH ANYMORE/IT'S OVER!!!!!

Part The First: I Can't Watch Anymore

Call me a fair weather fan if you must. Call me anything you like, but I have walked away from my TV. I can't watch any more of the Eagles game - and I'm going to tell you why.

I didn't think the Eagles were going to win today's game against the Packers, and perhaps they will mount a miraculous comeback and squeak out a win. If you believe that then you have been slurping the green kool-aid all day. I can't watch the Fat Boy anymore. Give me a fucking break. It is the 4th quarter and you are down by 11 points. It is 4th and a little more than a yard to go and you call for a field goal attempt. Sure, Akers should have made it, but even if he had you are still down by 8 points. Maybe The Large One can't count, but if you don't believe that your team can run the ball for one fucking yard, then you and your team have no business even being in the playoffs!

I don't care that Reid has been to 77 playoffs. I don't care that he is hailed by most of the idiot pundits as one of the great ones - he can't coach on game day. He has proven that since he got here.

If you go for the first down and don't make it you are no worse than you were before the attempt. If you make it you have the chance to finish the drive and be down by 4. If you make the field goal you still need 8 points which means a TD and a 2 point conversion - the toughest play in football.

(The Eagles have just proven my point with Celek stepping out of bounds before making the catch.)

Somehow, someway, The Fat Boy needs to encourage his troops to find a way to stop Sparks from looking like Jim Brown, and perhaps have Samuel get his head into the game, otherwise, well, we will begin the countdown to Feb. 14.

Well, the Mulligan on the 2-point try didn't work out - so now let's see if the defense can bail The Fat Boy out.

I'll sign off for now so I can suffer through the last 4 minutes of the game. Back at you later.


Part The Second: It's Over

If you are a regular reader you have already seen Fat Andrew's post-game press conference so there is no need to repeat Andrew's signature line -"We have to do better."

Let's face it, the Eagles just are not one of the elite teams in the NFL, and if you don't believe it, review the last two regular season games before watching a replay of today's game. There will be those who will remind us that the Eagles are a banged up team and that they exceeded expectations by getting to the playoffs.

Snow white and the seven fucking dwarfs - I love fairy tales.

There isn't a team in the playoffs who doesn't have a bunch of their players banged up by this point in the season. Winners find a way to get the job done, and losers make excuses before going home. The Eagles are going home - you make your own judgement about their character and intestinal fortitude.

As for my performance this weekend I came in at 2-2. I went 0-2 yesterday and 2-0 today. If I had been gambling I would be down the vig' to the bookie. I will have some picks for next week at a later date. I once again have to remind you that I don't bet any longer because I generally lose - so if you must place a bet with a local bookie, play every game against me and you may win.

It has just been reported that because the Eagles are no longer involved in the playoffs Fat Andrew has accepted an offer from WIP to participate in this year's Wing Bowl. He has been installed as a heavy favorite to win the contest. It has been reported that Andrew routinely eats 432 wings at a time and he feels confident that he can do better in this type of contest than he has shown he can do coaching. Wait.....this just in - NJ Gov. Chris "9 Chin" Christie has agreed to be Fat Andrew's opponent and believes he will win the event going away. Christie, who has been taking the food out of the mouths of poor kids ever since becoming Gov of The Cesspool State, has promised his kids a vacation at the Country Buffet if he emerges victorious at the Wing Bowl. He never breaks a promise to his kids, so let the people of the state eat cake while he's bankrupting the Country Buffet chain (If they can find any cake after he has finished eating his).

This could be the greatest sporting event in modern history and should get network coverage - maybe even in HD-3D. How awesome it would be to see these two human pachyderms in 3D and listening to them in sensaround sound. The NFL playoffs will seem like watching reruns of Captain Kangaroo compared to this. Perhaps we can convince the two of them to appear in sumo outfits, or maybe wrestling tights. Linda McMahon can do a pay per view WWE event on this one. Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismol would each pay major bucks to sponsor this bad boy.

A Wing Bowl between these two losers would be nice because as far as the long suffering fan is concerned we are about to enter a period of nuclear winter as far as watching sports is concerned. As you know, I refuse to watch any sport that doesn't play a 4th quarter which means the Flyers won't be on my TV, and I've never been high enough to be able to enjoy the current edition of the Sixers. I'll watch some playoff football, especially next week's contest between the Steelers and the Ravens. This will be the rubber match between these two squads and the potential for dead bodies on the field is very real. To say that these teams hate each other is a major understatement so I'll sit back, have a bowl or two of this heavenly hash and hope that there are enough stretchers at Heinz Field to carry all those needing help off the field.

Until next time, take care and don't get caught in one of Sarah Palin's crosshairs.