I NEED TO VENT - I LOATHE COMCAST!!!!!

So I got a letter the other day from Comcast informing me that my introductory Triple Play Package was about to expire. The letter told me that if I didn't re-up my rate would jump to $238.00 a month up from the $99.00 I pay now. Tonight was the night I chose to call, because there is no way I wanted to pay anywhere near the "new"rate. I don't want to be the schmuck who pays for the Comcast buy of NBC which was approved today by the FCC.

I dreaded the call because I didn't want to spend the next 3 hours on hold, and much to my surprise a lovely lady named Ashley answered my call after three minutes of jumping through hoops directed by a machine generated voice. I was thrilled to actually be talking to a live person. This should be simple I thought, since all I wanted to do was re-up for only $10.00 more than I was currently paying. Unfortunately for me I had a question about my bill. Don't ever have a question about your bill because if you do you will be transferred to someone else.

Lovely Ashley told me that she couldn't help me with the question about my bill because she was an outside contractor and wasn't authorized to deal with my bill. She asked if I would mind holding while she transferred me to a local Comcast person who would be able to help me. Of course I said that I wouldn't mind - what fucking choice did I have? After a few minutes of listening to a computer tell me how wonderful Comcast is, another computer got on the line and asked me to punch in my 13 digit acct. number followed by the pound sign. What choice did I have but to comply? Then the computer asked me to enter the numbers in my street address - but no letters. Again I obeyed and finally a human voice was heard.

I do like speaking with human beings, but the only languages I speak are English and Ebonics, and this clown was speaking in a dialect of Indian I haven't learned yet. I freaked and asked him to speak English since I couldn't understand a word he was saying. He mumbled something else and I asked him, not too politely, if he was an American and if he was in the USA. My god, I felt like a god damned Tea Party Birther asshole. Now I must say, Gupta kept his cool and said he would transfer me to someone else. Within a nano-second a lady named Betty asked if she could help me after she finished helping the customer she was working with. She put me on hold, meaning more Comcast bullshit computer-generated commercials. A minute or so later Betty got on the phone.

I guess she could tell by the tone of my voice that I was not a happy camper, and asked in a very sexy voice what she could do to make me a happy camper. In what turned out to be an OK conversation she took care of what I wanted, fixed the problem with my bill and gave me 6 months of free Cinemax and faster internet service for my inconvenience. She even fielded my complaint about having to talk to Gupta with aplomb and grace.

Now listen, I know that people in India need jobs. However, Comcast does not have one fucking TV, Internet, or Phone customer anywhere in India or anywhere else outside of the USA. There are millions of Americans who would love to be the person who talks to angry Comcast customers when they call - and I believe everyone who calls this company of criminals is angry. Just because Gupta will work for peanuts or sacred cow burgers is no reason to make me have to talk to someone who sounds like he is chewing on cow chips. Hell, I can understand Haley Barbour better than I could Gupta, and I can hardly make out what that fat nazi fuck is saying.

I know that we are living in the 21st century where technology works, but when I am looking for customer service - I WANT A HUMAN BEING TO ANSWER MY CALL!!! I don't want to have to identify myself three times to a fucking machine. I also want the human being who finally answers the phone to be able to deal with my issues and not put me on hold where I have to listen to a computer tell me how wonderful a company Comcast is. They are not wonderful - they are run by assholes, like most large corporations who want no regulation and who pay little or no taxes.

Enough of my ranting for one night. I'll have a bowl of heavenly hash and everything will be just fine.