Saturday, January 8, 2011

PLAYOFFS!!!!

Okay all you football fans - the playoffs are here and your Philadelphia Eagles are in the thick of it. For you Jint, Cowgirl and Skin fans - all I can say is that your teams are home getting high or whatever they do when they are not playing football. The long suffering fan has plans to watch our birds this weekend, but I will not drink any green kool-aid before the game. I advise you to do likewise. I'm sorry gang, but I found a way to get the Wayback Machine to look ahead and it gave me the post-game Fat Andrew press conference. I don't want to spoil things for you, but I heard a lot of "we have to do better" from the coach. However, the Wayback Machine wasn't built to look ahead and it broke down before the end of the press conference so all I can report is what I was able to see.

FA: I thought we had a solid game plan going into the game, but it looks like we'll have to do better next week.

Eskin: Coach, you mean next season don't you?

FA: Howard, you are always so negative.

Eskin: But coach.......

Bob Costas: Coach Reid, in the entire history of the NFL since the merger, no team has been able to win here in Philadelphia when the temperature in International Falls is below 26 degrees F. Do you attribute todays performance to that or because owner Jeff Lurie ate some tainted pate and had to be rushed to the hospital where reports have him clinging to life only because he has been able to be hooked up to a heart/lung machine.

FA: We have to do a better job all around. We are planning to draft a new caterer for next year.

Missenelli: Coach, history has shown us that the teams who can run the ball are the teams that win in the playoffs. Can you explain why you ran the ball twice today and passed 67 times?

FA: We have to do better, but since we count punt and kick-off returns as running plays the stats end up balanced.

Eskin: McCoy had only one run today...was he hurt?

FA: He carried 1 time for a net loss of 3 yards, and he has to do better. The O-line couldn't open any holes in the pre-game warm-up so I figured they needed to figure out how to stop the pass rush.

Costas: Vick was hit 37 times today - and Desean Jackson caught zero passes - whats up with that?

FA: Jackson is still suffering from hoof and mouth disease and he has to do better. I thought Vick scrambled well all things considered, but this guy Matthews kept getting to him.

Eskin: You seemed to bury yourself behind your play card - what's with that?

FA: Actually my play card is a Chinese food menu and I was attempting to make the right calls from each of the columns on the menu.

At this point the Wayback Machine fizzled out so I suppose we'll have to watch the damn game for the rest of the details.

THE LONG SUFFERING FAN PREDICTS THE WINNERS AND LOSERS!

A warning before reading my picks. I haven't placed a bet on any game for several years because most of the time when I met a guy named Jackie on Tuesdays it was to give him my money instead of the other way around. When Jackie went away for 37 months I stopped betting and stopped losing - so be careful taking my advice. Betting against my picks might be the way to go if you are disposed to wager.

Saturday Games:

SAINTS at Seattle: Seattle is hosting a game despite having a losing record and are 10 1/2 point underdogs to the defending champions. Coach Carroll has complained about how much harder it is in The NFL because of the salary cap that he didn't have to deal with at USC. 10 1/2 is a lot of points to give, but I don't think it will be that close so I like the Saints.

Jets at COLTS: Coach Ryan has made this personal, having stated that he hates Peyton Manning. His QB, Marc Sanchez, has complained that due to the salary cap he made more money playing for Carroll at USC. Despite the Ryan bullshit his team should lay down against the elder Manning brother allowing Rex to get home to his favorite footsy games.

Sunday Games:

BALTO at Chiefs: Matt Cassel led the '08 Pats to an 11-5 record and missed the playoffs. He may wish that his Chiefs had missed the playoffs this year after Ray Lewis and the murderous Raven defense gets through with him. KC did poorly this year against teams with winning records, and they will do poorly on Sunday as well. The best thing about the Chiefs this week are their uniforms, but the classic crimson & gold won't help. Lay the points and ride the Ravens to some cash.

PACKERS at Iggles: Green Bay comes in to the Linc with 15 guys including 6 starters on IR. Despite this, the Pack has been able to play ferocious defense which I believe will spell doom for the Eagles who have the worst O-Line in the playoffs. Clay Matthews, not having to worry about the running game should have a field day hitting Vick. The Eagles also have the worst defensive backfield in the playoffs which should help make the Packer receivers look like Stallworth and Swann did back in the Steelers run of the 70's. I want our guys to win, but those of you looking for a repeat of the Dec. 26, 1960 outcome will be dissapointed. Even if Assante Samuel trys to make a tackle, the Eagles under genius Reid will find a way to send the Eagle faithful home with yet another playoff loss.

SOME FAST FACTS!

Last April, Albert Haynesworth received a $21mm check from the Redskins. As you know he sat out most of Camp Shanahan, failed numerous physicals and ended up suspended for the final 4 or 5 games. He played in a total of 8 games, made 16 tackles and recorded no sacks. ($1,312,500 per tackle!) What a surprise to Redskin fans when they got their 2011 Redskin calender and found Big Al as the January calender poster boy. You can't make this shit up.

The Raiders became the first team since the merger to sweep their division and not make the playoffs. Al Davis has not been told yet.

Finally. The long suffering fan still follows the high school games and frankly is sick and tired of the suburban schools getting all the kudos from the writers on the high school beat. I am sick about seeing 7 Council Rocks and 4 CB teams ranked as the best of the best. These guys don't even consider players from the Phila. Public League when putting together all-everything teams. Well they can finally eat shit and die because not one school they rank as the best of the best is represented in this years playoffs while the Phila. Public League will have 4 players in the playoffs. They are:

Brent Grimes - Northeast High School, Atlanta Falcons
Jahri Evans - Frankford High School, New Orleans Saints
Jameel McClain - George Washington High School, Balto. Ravens
Raheem Brock - Dobbins Tech, Seattle Seahawks.

Enjoy the games! Enjoy the playoffs without the Jints and the Cowboys. Especially enjoy Jerry Jones hosting the Super Bowl without his Cowgirls!

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