Isn't it grand! Jerry Jones spends over a billion dollars to build a new home for his Dallas Cowboys and after a first round elimination in last years playoffs they roar out of the gate this year to a rousing 1-4 record. This so delicious to me, especially when I see all of the Cowboy fans in the Philly area. The Super Bowl is being held in Jone's palace this year,and he would have loved to see his 'Boys in the game. Sorry asshole, it ain't gonna happen. As for all of the local Cowboy fans- .........and the horses you rode in on.
What a day here in Philly. I normally start my Sunday by watching the news shows where I get lied to by politicians of all stripes. I'm sick of this political season. I already know how I am going to vote. I knew ten years ago how I was going to vote in this years election - so if any of you can make the robo calls and junk mail stop - please let me know how. I am always amazed at the number of undecided there are this close to an election. There must be a whole lot of morons walking our streets saying duh. Enough of politics.
So while I wait for the Phillies,I turn on my local Fox station to watch the Eagles. (Sorry NYC and environs that you couldn't watch your Giants and Manning the Lesser) It was nice to see the birds win, but all I wanted was the baseball game to start. Oh shit, I thought - there is another football game on before I can hear the dulcet tones of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver try to ruin the game every time they opened their mouths. (New Yorkers at least were spared that)
A last few words about football. Watching the Cowboys lose is always enjoyable, but the best hit of the day was when Desean Jackson was hit into next week. I don't know how he got up let alone lived. What a surprise that he is reportedly suffering memory loss. If someone hit me that hard I'd want to forget too. I can't wait for him to recover to see how he runs over the middle patterns again.
Finally Fox switched over to Citizens Bank Park and the pre-game bullshit. Why they think they need to tell anybody what is about to happen amazes me unless they are speaking to all of the undecided voters out there who have no idea about anything. They must have told us 18 times that no team that has lost the first two games at home has ever come back to win a LCS. Gee, what a surprise. We here in Philly and don't want to hear any of that kind of talk. All we know is that if our guys don't start hitting we will lose. We know that if we can't get to Sanchez early we are fucked.
So Oswalt gets through the top of the first in fine fashion. I needed that because my stress level at that point was reading - calm down asshole - stroke imminent! The meter nearly went off the chart when they Phillies had bases loaded with less than two outs and the best they could do was score one run on a walk. Not a good sign. Three ko's from Sanchez! What amazed about that was that the guy couldn't find the strike zone and Ibanez, Werth, and Victorino all went whiff. I was ready to make Raul wear a pink taffeta dress. I did observe that our fearless Mr Cool had gotten on base- a plus.
So between innings I start to worry that Oswalt will self destruct in the top of the second, and the stress started laughing at me. My chest was thumping and the words cardiac arrest crossed my mind. By the time Oswalt threw the first pitch in the second I had sedated myself with the help of Gods favorite plant so I was good to go no matter what happened.
Much to my delight Oswalt had brought his balls to the game and did what Halladay should have done in game one. Goober threw a high and tight fastball at Cody Ross! Alright! Thats what I'm talking about! That's the way the game should be played. That's the way the game was played when Arnold Portocarrera was losing games for the Philadelphia A's - when Juan Marichal was winning games for the Giants. Ross walked, but no damage occured.
A one nothing lead held as both pitchers settled down. It was nice, but the lack of drama had me thinking about everything that was in the fridge. The munchie gods were playing with me, but I was determined to resist the urge to eat an entire jar of crunchy peanut butter with a spoon. The baseball gods saw that my stress level had dropped so they arranged for Cody Ross to tighten my sphincter up a bit.
Who is this guy Ross. Here's a guy who grew up dreaming to be a rodeo clown! What! I have never known anybody who wanted to do that. I have never nor will I ever go to a rodeo or a NASCAR race. This fool wanted to make his living being gored by pissed-off bulls. Pretty scary. And another thing, white guys do not look good with a shaved head and a beard, a look that Ross sports. Selig ought to make him either keep his hat on at all times or shave the beard - for the good of the game!
I do have to give the guy some credit however. He paid Oswalt back when he tied the game up with yet another home run. Maybe Charlie ought to suggest to his staff that they not throw this fool fastballs down the middle of the plate. Maybe someone ought to beat him with a billy club, just don't give him the one pitch he can hit! After the home run over 5 million people in the Delaware Valley had a depressive episode. The Phillies were not getting to Sanchez, and be honest, we all thought oh shit - here we go again. The baseball gods were happy and my jar of Skippy went to peanut butter heaven.
The depression was abated when Victorino finally got his first hit of the series and scored on a Polanco sac fly. Even Howard got another hit in the inning. Hmmm, maybe this game would have a happy ending. Ryan Howard now had two hits and hadn't been ko'd yet.
I must digress a bit and speak of the wonder of having been blessed with ADD. ADD allows me to have three distinct thoughts in a single sentence, and they all make sense to me at the time. As a defense mechanism it takes over when Howard goes to the plate and I start zoning into my wayback machine and think of some Phillie first basemen of the past. Last night I was able to get through Howard's at bats by reliving the adventures of Ed Bouchee. Bouchee was a member of some of the worst team to ever wear the candy stripes. The guy couldn't hit, played lousy defense and was arrested for molesting a child. You can look it up. I wish I still had his baseball card - I would have it framed.
So, back to the game. Nothing really happens for a couple of innings so I take a second dose of my sedative of choice and check the Colts game. I'm having a terrible fantasy day and I need Manning the Greater to throw nine tds for me to have any chance of my team staying unbeaten. Well, he didn't and I was bitch slapped by my opponent all day. (At least both the Cowboys and Redskins lost). I put the Phillies game on regreting that I hadn't bought a second jar of Skippy because by this time the munchie gods and the baseball gods have conspired to make it so I would even eat chinese food. I hate chinese food!
Now the phone rings, and it is the lady. She asks me what I'm doing. What did she think I was doing? Did she think I would be watching reruns of the Dating Game? Women amaze me. Then she really pissed me off. I don't want to hear ever again how hot Jason Werth is. I don't think he has a nice ass. I don't think he has bedroom eyes, and I hope he develops incurable ED! What is it with women. God help me if I say to her that I think the new asst. DA on Law & Order LA is smoking hot. If I did that my life would be made unbearable. The only guys who think Jason Werth is hot were at the Gay Pride parade, and I wasn't there!
With the Phillies holding a one run lead going into the latter part of the game I ADD'ed myself to the ninth and fantasized wwhat a one run lead would look like with Lidge on the mound. The fantasy wasn't pretty I assure you. I know that Lidge has pitched well of late, but he is Brad Lidge and the baseball gods would surely enjoy all of us watching him put a couple of guys on base. I did not want Lidge to have to pitch to Cody Ross with men on base in the ninth. But who else would Charlie use? Unfortunately the former Phillie who scared the shit out of all hitters was not available. No I'm not talking about Mitch or Brad Holland, I speak about one Ryne Duren. Duren was a guy who had a blazing fastball. It is said that he could approach 100mph with his heat, and even the best of batters stayed real loose when facing him. Duren could bring the heat, but he never knew where it was going to go. Ryne Duren was wild - he had no control and wore glasses with the proverbial coke bottle lenses. Without them he was legally blind. He was also an alchohalic who supposedly always had a flask in the bullpen. By the time he went to the mound the guy was often drunk.
Coming back to the real world I am really stressed thinking about Lidge when the Phillies erupted in the bottom of the 7th. Oswalt set the stage when he ran through Sam Perlozzo's stop sign and scored. (Oswalt looks funny when he runs) A double steal put runners on 2cd & 3rd allowing Howard to do the strikeout thing with runners in scoring position. Mr Cool can't find a way to become Mr Clutch, but awakening from his hibernation was none other than Rollins. Rollins so far in this series had only managed a pop up single when 3 Giants allowed the ball to drop between them, but he found a way to hit the bases clearing double and the Phightins end the inning with a 6-1 lead. I want to thank Jimmy because he made it so I wouldn't have to deal with Lidge. Madsen did let a couple of guys reach base, but his strike out of Ross and a great catch by Raul the Crimper allowed the good guys to tie the series up, and allowed me to watch Boardwalk Empire relaxed and content.
The baseball gods may have some mayhem planned for the three games in SF, but for now - all is well and this long suffering fan can dream of Hamels pitching well in game three.One thing does bother me, however. Joe Blanton taking the mound for game 4 is not what I want to see.
Lastly. For all you Yankee fans out there. I will be watching the match-up between Lee & Petite today - will you?
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