Wow!!! Wow!!!
Someone once wrote that there isn't much difference between love and hate.(I don't know who wrote it since I cut a lot classes during my mispent youth) Well, tonight was a lesson in that whoever wrote it was right.
My emotions were all over the place and I truly hated some of our Phillies. What made anyone think that a red necked hillbilly from Bumblefuck Mississippi would sail through the Reds line-up with the ease of shit going through a goose.He looked like his asshole was shut so tight that he would'nt be able to take a shit for months. And the feared Phillies A line-up looked like a reincarnation of former Phillie Bobby Del Greco. Del Greco was so bad that if he hit a ball past the pitcher Philly kids got the next day off. These guys made Bronson Arroyo look like Juan Marichel.
But, the baseball gods had some interesting defense planned for tonights game. As such I have anointed Scott Rolen as my Phillies player of the game. Way to go Scotty!! My runner-up is Brandon Phillips who has proclaimed himself as the best second baseman in all of baseball. I hope Brandon does even better in game three.
My final I hate you goes to Ryan Howard. The bitch stole his paycheck tonight. He fans better than anyone with the team down and runners in scoring position. If Howard had any decency he would acknowledge that he is not going to be Mr Clutch and start letting 100 mph fastballs hit him like Utley does.
The love starts with Utley. Sure he fucked up early in the game but made up for it several times during the game. They took advantage of Cinncy miscues and won the game.
Now before you drink all of the kool-aid let me tell you why the Phillies now have a 2-0 lead in this series. It had nothing to do with anything they did on the field. (By the way - fuck you Lidge - you had to put a man on base didn't you)
The reason the Phils won: Yesterday I drank some kool-aid and declared myself all-in with the team.(normally I wait until after the parade - just to make sure) I went to my local Modell's and bought a Phillies Phunner tee-shirt which I wore tonight. I was so all-in I even read the Daily News today. When I do look at the paper I read it like it is a yiddish paper - I start from the back (sports section) and stop when I get to the massage parlor ads.
So I start watching the game and nothing is going right. Oswalt looks like he'd rather be in some swamp with his bloodhounds and nine shotguns than on the mound in front of 46,000 screaming northerners. No Roy - there are no rebel flags at Citizens Bank Park. Bronson Arroyo, an asshole from birth is toying with our batters, and my aggrevation factor was rising to a dangerous level. I am not a violent person - I deplore it, but I could have hurt Oswalt for pitching like no amount of viagra could have made him a man. He was as limp as any man could be, and I was not happy.
By the time the Reds had a 4-0 lead I was ready to watch Seinfeld re-runs. (I've never watched a single episode of the show since I find Jerry to be boring - not funny - not tp mention that I see no purpose for Jason Alexander, and the Drefuss bitch is not even remotely hot)
Okay, they make it 4-2, but keep leaving men on base so I say fuck it and go to the computer to play spider solitaire. A funny thing happened while I was playing by myself on the computer. (Don't tell Christine O'Donnell who might then decide that playing a computer game by yourself is the same as masturbating,and therefore to be frowned on. Who is she kidding. The bitch probably has a super delux solar powered dildo which gets used on a regular basis. This girl is completely out of her mind - she should be put in a home and not the senate.)
While i was playing my solitaire and only listening to the game the Phillies started to come back. All of a sudden they had taken the lead. I was afraid to walk past the tv to take a piss because I now knew that if I watched the game, the Reds would come back and win the game. I was squirming in my seat waiting for Lidge to get the third out so that I could drain the monster. Thank god he only put one guy on base.
Wednesday night I was teaching a dance class, and missed the no-hitter - so I figure that as long as I only listen and not watch, the Phils should do just fine.
As a former stockbroker I looked for a way to monetize my newly found power. If I watch, they lose, if I listen- they win, hmmm. I plan to hire Scott Boros who will be instructed to call Amaro and demand a multi-year deal for Ryan Howard kind of money. If he says no fucking way, I'll get comfortable on my sofa and watch the Phillies break everybodies hearts. If he says no, I'll inform the press so that everybody will know that Amaro cost us a series win. If he says yes, I won't even turn on the tv, and everybody can get very drunk and break store windows in Frankford, S. Philly,and in center city.
Getting serious for a moment. Beating the Reds is important to me. House Republican leader Boehner is from Cinncinati, and I hate the prick. He is a weaslely mother fucker who should'nt have any joy from his hometown team. He is evil and has no soul. If there is a hell, a special place is being held for him. Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell is from across the Ohio river in Kentucky, and is also a Reds fan. That joyless motherfucker says no to anything that will improve the lives of average folks so he needs to see the Reds swept. May they both develop incurable diseases that might have been curable if they hadn't held up funding for stem cell research.
These guys are as evil as evil can be, and as dumb as Andy Reid is during a time-out. I don't like Republicans. I especially dislike Gov Blimp over in Jersey. That fat fuck vetoed the start of what would have been the largest construction project in the country. I am referring to the planned construction of a second rairoad tunnel into NYC from Jersey. It would have provided thousands of construction jobs - union jobs to construction workers desparate for work. My sources tell me that Christie vetoed the project because he wouldn't fit in the tunnel. I an glad I don't have to pay to feed Christie, as I don't have money larger than the debt of Peru. Watching him eat has to be disgusting, and Jersey will have to float a bond issue just to keep the gov mansion stocked with Twinkies.He must eat them a case at a time. Fuck you Christie.
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