What can I say. Isn't depression fun - c'mon you can't be happy all of the time.
The baseball gods are wherever they live laughing their fat asses off. They didn't like the H2O bullshit and arranged for the rwo H's to acquire sulpher molecules and become stink bombs.
The Gods had Hamels pitch the second half of the season like a real stud - like a real ace, then whacked us with the same old Hamels from last year. The Giants hitters aren't making anyone forget the 1927 Yankees but the Colester sure tried today. He sucked big time today,when the candy strippers needed him to come up big. I refuse to listen to him lisp his way through any post game interviews. I don't want to hear his voice .
I can't throw all the blame for today's fiasco on Cole Hamster. Remember when our guys could hit a baseball? They didn't today did they. Hell, Matt Cain is an ok pitcher, but he isn't Juan Marichal or even Juan Pizarro. Today the Sillies made him look like the reincarnation of Christy Matheson who wore a Giants uniform in the early days of the 2oth century. A fucking three hitter is a disgrace. As far as our hitters go, I thought I was watching Solly Hemus, Willie Jones, and Glen Gourbas playing out there. Mr Cool continues to be Mr Irrelavent, and well what can I say about Ibanez. Isn't it grand that he'll be making 12 million next year?
I take my hat off to the baseball gods for putting some life into his bat for a time after the all-star break, and then take it all away once the money was on the line. He is swinging so bad that he couldn't hit a ball if it were the size of a volleyball. I say, sit him down and give Gload a chance. Hell, Mike Sweeney can't do any worse than Mr Cool, so I'd sit his ass down as well. And why shouldn't Wilson Valdez get his shot,especially after Mr Gold Glove booted yet another one in a crucial situation. Utley looked like Bobby Malkmus did when he played in the fifties. Look up his numbers and you won't be impressed I assure you.
The Phillies, once upon a time ago acquired a guy by the name of Dick Stuart from the Pirates. Stuart could hit a baseball and had some power. So far sounds like Utley. Well, Stuart had a variety of nicknames that included Dr Strangeglove, and Stonefingers. The man made every routine ground ball an adventure. Once when he picked up a hot dog wrapper that had blown on to the field he got a standing ovation from the crowd for finally showing something he could catch. It's one thing for Utley to struggle at the plate, but the guy has got to make the plays in the field. If he can't, then Charlie ought to send him to the SPCA where he can play with the dogs - he does that well at least.
The thing I always liked about this Phillies team was that they never gave up and someone always found a way to provide the spark at the right time. Now, they are playing without a lot of heart and there are no sparks to be found. Unless the baseball gods are planning a huge mind fuck for the Giant fans - this thing is OVER. You heard me it is done, kaput, finis, and the fat lady is ready to go.
I will explain. Tomorrow, unless Charlie changes his mind and pitches Halladay on what used to be normal rest, our hopes and dreams depend on Joe Blanton. Feel good about that do you? Hell I admire the job Blanton does. The guy has marginal talent, but he brings his balls to work and often finds a way to give you a good six innings.Because he has only marginal talent,sometimes Mr Margin shows up and he is working with the Ivory after two or three innings with the Phils in a five run hole. The good news is that they should be able to hit Bumgarden , but if they don't, then Lincecum gets another chance to bitch slap them in game five. We've all seen how well they swing the lumber against him.
We're only down one game oldhead - you say. We can come back - we can. Wanna bet your pay check on that? Well, do you? I didn't think so. A team with heart could.A team with soul could. This team is playing without either and I don't believe they will pull it off. I hope the gods of baseball make me wrong - I really do, but.......
I am extremely disappointed, but not surprised. In order to win at this time of year you have to bring both of your balls and your heart. The balls must have missed the flight because our guys are playing without confidence, without any killer instinct. And heart. Well they ought to watch the way the Rangers are dealing the Yankees a beating - they brought their hearts to NYC, and I don't the Yankees can come back. Even if they win the next game, in the back of their minds that Cliff Lee will be happy to slap them around again - and do it with a smile.
The Phillies are but a game down. They have shown in the past a resiliency, that they need to find in a hurry. If they win tomorrow they will be on a respirator, but be alive. Blanton could give them a good six innings and leave the game with a lead. It could be a close game until the ninth when superhero Brad Lidge will attempt to seal the deal. Just think how tense we'll all be then. Our best shot will be if the baseball gods want to really fuck the SF fans. Wow, how hard will they be laughing at the groans coming out of the Bay Area if the Giants take 3-1 lead, and then blow it. Then we could come back, believe the bullshit all over again and drink gallons of kool-aid. We can get all hyped -up and then the baseball gods will decide to let us off the hook with a win, and do it by beating Cliff Lee in the 7th game.
Hey if former Philly catcher Mack Burke can have a career ave. of 1000 then anything is possible. (Burke had but one ml ab and got a hit giving him a perfect record. He never played in the show after that and his job as back-up catcher was taken by Joe Lonnett) Hey, don't knock Burke. The did something none of us ever did. He was on a major league roster. He was in the show. And Topps put him on a baseball card! How cool would it be to be on a baseball so collectors would have to pay money to get a picture of you. Even cooler would have your card in the last part of the set released. They always produce less of the higher number cards than they do with the first cards of the new season. By being in the back of the set, your card would be a hard to get rare card and would command a higher price from collectors. Collectors paying top dollar for the cards of guys they never heard of is one way the baseball gods entertain themselves during the off season.
So round up your self-medications of choice and show some love for BIG JOE BLANTON! Just don't laugh when you see that silly ass beard of his...
Ok, you are all upset and depressed. I have a way to make your evenings better. When I was in college I worked on the school radio station. My mission was to get kids from small towns in Ohio to listen and like "urban" music. Hell most of my classmates thought that the Monkees were the best thing going, but I was able to convert many of them to the wonders of doo wop and R&B. Once a week I did a segment called Suicide Circle. Suicide Circle was designed to help those get through a situation where their girl friends had just either slept with their roomate, or just plain reached into their chests where they proceeded to rip their hearts out - and then stomp on it. We've all been there, and it hurts like hell. You know they feeling - the feeling that the sun was never going to shine again, and that you would never get over the bitch that just made you feel like you were a puddle of shit. The deal was - you could call me to request a song that you knew would make you feel bad and probably cry for hours. No, I wasn't a sadist hoping to learn of undergraduate suicides. I was trying to help these guys get through the grieving process quickly by accelerating their pain. As such I am enclosing a list of songs that you should listen to tonight while thinking of your beloved Phillies who as we speak are making arrangements to play golf next week - because they won't be playing baseball. Try the music - it may help.
1. "Turn Out The Lights" Teddy Pendergrass
2. "The Party's Over" Willie Nelson
3. "What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted" Jimmy Ruffin
4. "Break My Heart" David Ruffin
5. "I Cry" Smokey & the Miracles
6. "Fading Away" Temptations
7. "It's A Cryin' Shame" Len Barry
8. "It Only Hurts For A Little While" Whispers
9. "It's So Hard Being A Loser" The Contours
10. "Here's To The Losers" Frank Sinatra
11. "Good Morning Heartache" Billie Holiday
12. "I'll Never Smile Again" Frank Sinatra
Enjoy the sounds, cry your hearts out, and put up your Wait 'Til Next Year Signs!
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