So I get home from my Wednesday night line dance class and before I do anything I turn on the TV looking for a game - any game. I know that the Phillies have already clinched, but I wanted my baseball fix. I had forgotten that the Rangers had already dispatched the Rays - thus no baseball. There was a replay of one of the Giants games, but nothing live. And they wonder why depression is at epidemic proportions in this country. They get you all revved up about the playoffs and then make you wait the better part of a week before you can get your next fix. Then they tell you that the games will be on Fox -which means Buck & McCarver. Life just isn't fair - not even a little bit.
Buck & McCarver are about the worst. McCarver hasn't said anything relevent ever! He babbles on game after game telling the same stories he told twenty years ago. I guarantee you there will be a Lefty story, a Bob Gibson story, and a story of his time in the minor leagues. He will compare Halladay to Tom Seaver and Lincecum to either Cheech or Chong. I'm counting on my mute button big time.
Now what can I say positive about Joe Buck.....hmmmm, his father was Jack Buck. I don't know if I hate him more when he does baseball or when he is paired with Troy Aikman, another one I can't stand. Buck is pathetic doing either sport. Aikman gets a special place in my hall of shame. He of course played for the hated Dallas Cowgirls, a team made up of criminals, loudmouths and miscreants. He was coached by two of the vilest human beings on the planet - Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer, neither of whom would allow their players in college to attend any classes let alone graduate, and his name is Troy.
Troy is not a name that works well on white guys- it just doesn't. Its kind of like when you meet a jewish guy named Sean. It doesn't work. You never meet an Italian kid named Morris, or a Greek kid named Nathan, but here we have a white guy named Troy. Now, Troy would be okay paired up with a last name of Washington, or Jackson, but then that would make too much sense. You've also never met a jewish girl named Aiesha or anyone from south of the Mason Dixon line without two first names like Billy Joe or Bobby Jack or Mary Sue. Can you imagine meeting a kid from Penn Valley named Billy Joe Cohen? It just isn't done, just as Aikman should never have been given the name Troy.
Some folks just seem to really fuck up when giving their kids names. Lately we've seen a plethora of athletes named Colt and Major. Whats with that. Why would you give your kid the name of a young male horse? If the kid turns out to be gay do you start calling him filly? And why Major? Why not Corporal or Specialist 2nd Class? I'll never understand.
Perhaps the worst offenders of the "give your kid a fucked up name" are the WASPS. They have a thing about using the mothers maiden name as the kids first name. I mean don't they know that when most of us meet a guy with the first name of say, Worthington, all we want to do is bitch slap them? And white folks laugh at some of the handles the brothers and sisters sport. Hey, at least they be lyrical.
Getting back to last night. So I go to my handy channel guide to see if there is anything on one of the 160 channels I get worthwhile to watch. Usually unless there is a game on, there is nothing which I will speak about at some other time. (I am one of the millions of people who absolutely hate my cable provider - Comcast) After learning that the only athletic contest being broadcast is a hockey game I decide to watch the new Law And Order. In case you don't already know I DO NOT WATCH HOCKEY! It is a stupid game played by stupid people with foreign names that all sound like concentration camp guards. It was invented by Europeans to give their men something to do between wars. The worst for me is when they interview one of the players from some place called Salmon Balls Ontario. The word that is spelled o-u-t is not pronounced oot, just as the word spelled a-b-o-u-t is not pronounced aboot. I guess I should'nt be surprised considering that they put the picture of the old and wrinkly queen bitch on their stamps and coins. This lady is the welfare queen of the world, and she has made some very ugly kids. Nice ears Chuck.
I started watching the new Law & Order expecting not to like it, but to my surprise it was entertaining. It's a good thing that they kept some boing boings in it, because otherwise I would not have watched the whole show. There are two actors worthy of the name Law & Order, with the rest suitable for appearances on daytime talk shows. The D.A. played by Alfred Molina works well as a pissed off latino from Boyle Heights who last night put away a rich guy with a mansion on the beach. One of the cops, played by a bald guy had some good lines - although he will never be anything close to being as cool as Lenny Briscoe. I can't forget the asst D.A. This sister is so hot that she should be followed around by a fire truck. All in all I give the show a B- grade and I'll probably watch it again if my channel guide tells me that you have paid over a hundred dollars to Comcast and they are not giving you anything to watch. I understand they are adding a Watch The Paint Dry channel next month to justify the next price hike.
Tonight - another night of no baseball, but there is a college football game on. Usually the Thursday night football games are between teams from places like Waco Texas or East Nobody Can Read Here Utah, so I may watch my recently acquired bootleg copy of the new Wall Street movie. If I'm lucky it won't be in Serbian with Chinese sub-titles.
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